Eli & Juno

17- Bright lights

"You can't just not come," Noelle says over the phone.

"I can."

"Because of Juno?"

I say nothing. This was a mistake. A mistake. A mistake he could just forget about.

"Well, no offense, Ruewen, but that's ridiculous. You're both coming. And you're going to have a rom-com moment and be happy together forever."

"That's not going to happen, Noelle. I'm not coming."

"You have to Eli."

"I can't."

"Please? I'm no going to beg."

"And I'm not asking you to. Have fun. Send photos, k?"

She says nothing, and I hang up. I want to cry. I don't know what to feel. I want to go back and tie and stop myself from kissing Juno. Or better yet, change history and make him stay.

I flop down on my bed and press my hands over my eyes. I'm not going to cry. I just won't. Tears sink in. I flip over, soaking my pillow case.

This was a mistake.

I gotta go.

Eli...

I punch the pillow. It feels good. I punch it again. And again and again and again until I'm exhausted and my cheeks are dripping with my own tears.

A mistake.

I hit again.

I'm sorry.

I hit the wall. My fist cracks. I cry out among my sons. I turn and examine my hand.

It looks fine.

I hit again.

. . .

(Juno)

"You need to stop being depressed," Pippa says. "It's pathetic."

I smell popcorn and hot chocolate beside me. I ignore it.

"Go away," I mumble into my pillow.

"No."

"Yes."

"Pippa-"

She grabs the back of my T-shirt and jerks me up. I glare, my anger pulsing through me. My jaw clenches. I punch her in the arm, maybe I little too hard. She hits me back. Her punch feels like a sibling punch. I soften.

"Can you just go?"

"And leave you being a depressed and angsty teenage boy?" She shakes her head.

My vision blurred.

Why had I run off? I thought I saw someone in the woods, and I jumped. How could I explain that to Eli? How could he ever like me like he did last night if I spooked every time anyone saw us together?

No. Not just together. But together together.

God. I messed up.

I bury my face in my hands and kick the bed frame hard. The entire thing shakes. I kick it again, and again until my entire leg feels like it's on fire. My teeth sink down hard into my lip.

What did I do? What am I doing?

I messed up. I messed up. I messed up.

Eli.

Oh god Eli. In all my selfishness, my thoughts had crossed him a thousand times, but never to wonder how he was taking this. I kissed him, and then actually an away. Like the epic asshole I am.