Exchanging Trust

1// pilot

The clouds outside were much more interesting to me than the lesson my teacher was giving me. With all due respect, but Math just isn't my thing. Same about languages, actually every subject isn't my thing. Let's just say, I'm not the biggest fan of school.

Why stop energy in something that doesn't even interest you in the slightest? It's completely and utterly useless and time wasting. Yet it's still something you need to do for society. If you don't, people will look at you like your dumb.

I'm not dumb, I'm just not interested in knowing more about the subject we're learning about. And I'm smart enough to not put any energy in something I don't want to do. It's as simple as that.

Society. Another thing I detest. If you would ask me what society is, I would only say two words. Fudged up.

It doesn't make any sense in my head. A girl dresses differently or doesn't want to wear make-up, so what? A guy wants to try girly stuff out, wants to dance ballet, so what? Let them be instead of judging them. Get your own life for once instead of looking at others.

I'm not saying I never judge someone, of course I do. Society makes people judge, whether you want it or not. It's a reflex, a reflex because of society and I hate it. I hate that I can't stop myself from doing so. If I could, I would.

Everyone says never judge a book by it's cover, yet no one follows it. Not even me. It's in the human race to look for mistakes, imperfections and concentrate on them, only them. Some people use them against you, some just judge you or some, like me, try to find out how they got there.

There's a reason behind everything. Every single thing a person does has a reason. A reason maybe they don't even know, but it always has a reason.

You'll never know someone's true story, what that person has been through to act that way. Like I said, everything happens for a reason.

That's what I believed and thought before June 15th, three years ago.

Now? I feel nothing. I think nothing. I believe in nothing.

"Katarina, can you solve this equation for me?" The teacher asked me with a raised eyebrow.

"Euhm..." I said as I looked at the equation. How do you even start solving this?

"No?" She asked with narrowed eyes. "Why?"

"I do not have the ability to solve this equation." I answered quietly.

"And why would that be?" She said mocking. She sighed and turned back around to the black board "It's going to be your bad grade." She answered a little mad.

I just stayed quiet, not wanting to continue this conversation. There would be no point in arguing about something everyone knew.

I suck at Math.

Besides, what quiet girl would argue with her teacher?

Yeah, no one.

After another seventeen minutes of trying to understand Math, failing miserably may I add, the bell rang and every student got up.

Students looked at me when I walked by what made me nervous. Don't make it obvious that you're staring, it makes me feel overwhelmed. I wanted nothing more than to hide underneath my bed covers and sleep.

If I could, I would skip school and sleep all day, no confrontations with the outside world, judging gazes or people in general. My life would be so much better.

I fasten my pace, trying to out-walk their gazes fixed on me. I'm not that special, you can stop looking now.

I arrived at my locker and opened it. I saw myself in the reflection of the metal and sighed.