Hidden Secrets

Chapter 5: Speak Up

"It would help me understand how bad the pain is?" I took a deep breath.

"No one will understand" I looked at my wrists. The nurse grabbed my hands.

 "Haven if you tell me the kind of things these girls say to you I will be able to know how you feel. See when I was younger I was like you I went through the same thing you did so I know how it feels please tell me" I sighed.

 "They say things like you’re a pig, you don't deserve to be with Zayn, you should just kill yourself now. I-It's so hard to deal with this on a daily basis. They don’t realize that words really do hurt. They do cut like knives" I saw the hurt washing over her face.

"Haven? I know the words hurt but this-" She said pointing to my wrists.

 "Is not the cure. All it does is make you, your family, friends, boyfriend anyone who loves you feel like it's their fault"

"What?"

 "I know you’re thinking how can I know this? Well growing up I had all the same issues you did and my mum used to tell me she always felt like it was her fault I did this. She felt like she was never there to protect me when I needed it the most. But I always told her that it wasn't her fault I did to escape away from life"

 "That's what my mum tells me. She says it's her fault because she didn't raise me the right way and I know it isn't my mum's fault but i-i just...I’m sorry" I put my head in my hands. She rubbed my back.

"I’m sorry it’s stupid to cry"

"Haven it is not stupid to cry at all. Everyone has to let their emotions out at some point. Think about it this way in here you can let out as much emotion, pain, anger anything you want just let it out. While you’re here let everything out don't hesitate" I nodded my head and wiped some tears away.

 "No one knows I cut. Only my mum and siblings do-" I sniffled.

 "I wear bracelets so no one at school could see the scars. I don't want people to think badly of me like I'm stupid or something for harming myself but I’m really not. Everyone tells me I'm intelligent, outgoing and beautiful but I just I don't believe any of it. I mean I know I'm not ugly or anything but I don't believe what they say it's so hard to let nice things in-"

"Why?" She asked confused.

 "Because you know I’ve always heard mean things so I'm used to hearing hurtful things so it's like how do I know that those kind words won't be harsh to me and end up stabbing me in the back?" She nodded her head.

 "Is there anything else you want to share?" I hesitated for a minute.

 "N-no" She looked at me questioningly.

 "Are you sure?" I was debating telling her anything else about school. I finally decided to tell her.