One Last Time: One More Time

Letter to the Reader

To: My most beloved, my readers

I want to start this letter by saying that I am grateful for the time you have spent reading this story. It must have been hard for you to have to endure all of that journey, right? I am sorry, but I am very grateful you stuck around. Also, don't forget to thank my beautiful beta-readers because, without them, this story will not be the same. I love them very much and I thank them for the time they spend with me.

To be honest with you I don't know how to start this letter. Apart of me just wants to just say it. So I think I will.

I hate this story.

Maybe this feeling can be due to several factors. One of them is that I was bullied online not too long ago and honestly, I am even afraid to talk about it. They might be reading this since they do stalk a lot of the things I do. Some of my readers have reached out to me regarding this, so I ask you to please not to interact with those people. I know you are trying to help, but I really would like to move on past this bad experience.

Second, looking back at it, I see everything as a pile of shit. And I have been feeling like this for a long while now. I am not saying this to get pity compliments or anything of that matter. That is just how I feel. And is sad because I did have a lot of love for this story and I still do.

But looking back at it, I can't help it. I came to realize that this story is not special and it will never be, at least not how I want it.

I think I portrayed my feelings towards this story in the end. Just like Maria, I wanted to feel special. I wanted to believe that this story is important to people and that it meant more than just being a simple fanfic. But the truth is that it's not. It's never going to be what I want it to be.

And it's those same frustrations that make me doubt. And I came to the conclusion that the reason why this story is not the way I want it to be is that I am not a good writer. I am not talented. I am not special. If I was ... then maybe more people would read. More people would be interested in this story. And I don't want to sound greedy but the support I am getting is not enough. I spend a lot of time writing this, sometimes I don't even sleep in order to be able to publish a chapter every Sunday.

But it's not your fault, it's my fault because I am not good.

And I don't think I'll ever be enough.

But rest assured that I've done this story to the best of my abilities and till the end, I wanted to write something everyone could be proud of.

I still love One Last Time, but I don't think I am the right person to write this story.

But I am the only one who can tell it ... it's just that I don't know if I have the motivation to do it.

Alright, now that I have gotten that out of my chest, let's talk about the reason why you are reading this.

So, the ending of OMT. Originally, it was going to end with Maria and Levi getting engaged on the sea. But as I kept drafting more of the story, I thought of giving it a sad ending. I did at some point think of killing Maria off but I thought everyone was expecting that.

Nowadays, I feel like, not only you but other readers like Maria a lot and killing her wouldn't please anyone.

Instead, I wanted to go for something unique. Something no one would expect. And that is Zeke and Pieck finding Maria and taking her to Marley. Well, I don't know if anyone else has used that idea before but to me, it sounded original. Levi does think Maria is dead for sure. In the end, he has some resentment towards her.

Maybe the pain is just too unbearable for him, maybe it's because she didn't keep her promise. Or maybe it's the hate he has towards himself because he didn't keep her alive.

It's strange.

In this story. Levi and Erwin are soulmates. Levi does love Erwin in a perfect way. Meaning that Levi takes choices based on what Erwin wants and what benefits Erwin the most.

That's why he didn't give Erwin the injection. Because to Erwin, it was easier to die. Erwin wanted to rest and even when it pained Levi, he still chose what was best for his soulmate. To have a peaceful death than to have a life full of misery.

But that's not the case with Maria. And I think it all goes back to not being special. No matter how much she tried, Maria is not special in any way. She never felt worthy. Maria changed a lot through the course of the story. At first, she was happy to just help those who could achieve greatness. But after dating Levi, I think she just wanted to become better and more worthy of him.

Going through what she went through ... I don't think she could ever go back to the way she was. A woman who was happy with a simple life.

But she is not special, nor she will ever be.

And I think Levi's selfish decision was what really broke her.

Because she understood that Levi could not love her perfectly. When it came to her, Levi has an imperfect love. He puts his needs first instead of her own happiness.

Yes, Maria's life was in danger and Levi just didn't want her to die. But Maria's dream was to feel special. To her, feeling special or being special was something worth dying for. It was a dream of her because by being special, that meant she was worthy of love, worthy of Levi.

So when Levi makes that selfish decision ... it really hurts her. It proved to her that even in Levi's heart she wasn't as special as she thought. Because Levi lets Erwin go ... but Levi is not able to let her go.

And I think Levi realizes that in the end, he could never love Maria the way she wanted to be loved. As for they are not soulmates, never meant to be. Because Maria's love towards Levi is perfect but Levi can't reciprocate that.

Maria, who had selfish feelings, kept those emotions inside. Because she knew it would be selfish of her to ask Levi to just completely love her.

And Levi does not deserve an imperfect love.

That's how I interpret it but you can have your own interpretations and that's completely fine and valid too!

I could go into long details about everything, including Erwin's feelings towards Maria and Levi but I don't want to bore you.

Also, let me answer this.

Is Maria pregnant?

I don't want to answer that.

Alright, I've been writing for too long.

I want to say this as my final note for this book.

I have planned for the last book of this trilogy to come out on January 9, 2022.

I wanted the series to start and end with the last episode of attack on titan. However, as explained before, I don't know if right now I have the motivation to continue to write this.

Maybe this is the end, maybe it's not. Just rest assured that every day, I try to get back the love and passion I had for this story.

If you feel like missing this story, you can always follow the Twitter ( @ OneLastTime_1 ) content I post. Since I don't plan to go completely ghost either.

Again, thank you to my beta readers ( shortysbrat and There_Goes_Alexis ) who are always there to support me and show me love and appreciation. I love them a lot. This story would never be possible without them. Please give them lots of love!

To end this, I want to thank you again for reading this. I know it might be hard but I will always be thankful for you and the ones who stayed till the very end. I always say this but, One Last Time is not just my story.

One Last Time is your story too.

I do encourage constructive criticism and all type of comments really. Since this is probably the last time I'll hear from you, it will be nice to read your thoughts. Questions about the story or anything else are super welcomed too!

However, I do hope this is not the end. But if it is ... I do hope the time you spent with me was worth it.

With all of my love,

Peaches