XPLR With Me • My Brother's Best Friend {Sam&Colby}

E I G H T

I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I shouldn't be thinking the things I'm thinking. But it's wrong. I'm so confused by my own thoughts that I'm trapped in constant fear that I won't ever figure it out. But what if I do figure this out and it's not what I expected? I don't want to give in, I don't want to break his heart. I might have to though.

Colby sits across from me, him and Sam focusing on Call of Duty. I watch his hands work, his muscles flexes in his arm. His arm that is full of tattoos, even though he hasn't even turned 18 yet. How does he get away with that?

Oh how I would love to have his arms flex around me. My breathing hitches and I look away, clearing my throat. "You good, Nell?" Sam asks me. "Yeah, just bored watching you play a stupid game." I snarl sarcastically. "Here, why don't you try?" Sam asks me and hands me the controller. I take a deep breath and look down at the controller. "How do I do it?" I ask them. "I'll let Colby show you, I'm going to call Kat real quick." Sam gets up before I can decline the offer. Colby pauses the game and looks at me, patting the seat next to him. I press my lips together and get up, sitting as far away as possible from him. He chuckles, "Why you look so nervous," he smirks.

Oh god, he knows. Play it off.

"I have no clue how to play." I laugh nervously. "Okay, come closer and I can help you." He motions for me to scoots down. I glance at the tv and scoot down, our knees now touching. I can feel my heart beat faster.

He starts the game and slides his hand over to mine. He places one of his hand on top of the controller that I'm holding. "See, just use this to shoot and these to move. You can jump with this one too." He goes over the motions with me. My hands start to sweat under his hands.

We're interrupted by Sam running down the stairs. "Let's go explore brother!" He says excitedly. We jump away from each other. I put the control down and wipe my hands on my jeans.

"Where?" Colby laughs. Sam comes down and sits on the chair, "It's a place Kat found online. An old asylum. It's only 15 minutes from here. We should go! You can too, Penny." My eyes widen and I laugh, "Seriously?" Colby nudges my shoulder, "Come on, it'll be fun." He smile at me. I sigh and look between them. "Fine," I groan, they begin to cheer but I cut them off, "as long as you're not filming. I don't want to be on your channel again." Sam rolls his eyes, "I won't focus on you. You can even film for us if you want! You won't even be on camera." He argues. "Oh yes, so much more fun," I say sarcastically.

Colby gets up and pulls me off the couch, "It'll be fun," he smiles, "you don't have to be on camera. Just tag along anyways." I take a deep breath and nod. "Okay, I will."

Why not? It'll be fun, just like they said.

**One Hour Later**

We march up the long hill, my knees already hurting. "Damn, how much longer?" I huff. Kat leans her shoulder on me and breathes harshly. "We're here, actually," Sam smiles. We walk forward a little more, revealing the small mansion behind the trees. "Woah," I accidentally say out loud.

We catch up to Sam and Colby, who are already inside the dark building. I take in the details of small carvings in the house, almost completely covered by an overgrowth of ivy. "This is beautiful." Kat says beside me.

"This place is almost completely untouched. Apparently it was only open for a couple years but closed down after the man who opened it died. And get this," Sam looks at us, "he hung himself from the stairway." He takes out the camera and Colby sets down all the other gear.

They quickly do an intro before we start to explore. "So, as we said before, Dr. Brown hung himself from these very stairs," Sam shows the stairway to the camera. "It is believed that the reason he did this was because he was being haunted by his past patients," Colby says a quick "ooh," "Who he used torture as a way to 'treat' them. And these weren't crazy murderers in here. There were children who threw a temper tantrum and women who was suffering from postpartum depression. It's insane."

We walk around the main floor, seeing random trash all over the place. "Bro, look at this!" Colby says picking up a piece of paper. We all gather around as Sam focuses the camera on the paper. "It's someone's record. William Harrison, age 6, consistent symptoms of demonic.. possession," Colby's eyes widen as he reads the paper.

"Okay, yeah, time to go," I laugh. I turn around but sam grabs my arm, "Nope, let's keep going." He laughs. I groan and continue to follow them.

We all hear a bang, causing us to yell. "Who's there! This is private property!" A man yells. My heart starts racing and I look around the group, "Shit! hide!" Sam yells. I freeze in my spot as everyone else scatters.

I feel someone pull my arm, I look and see Colby with his finger over his mouth. He pulls me into a small brick hallway. It seems like half of the building was caved in, causing the brick to stack up and create a small hole. "Sh," he says, quietly. I try to control my breathing as I listen to the footsteps. Colby and I are facing each other, our bodies touching. I feel him caress my arm, trying to calm me down. I look up at him, his face turns and looks back at me. "It's okay," he mouths. I watch his lips, practically drooling at the sight of him biting them. I look up and notice he's still looking at me. I'm sure he could see what I was looking at. He smiles and places his arm beside my head. His other hand goes to my cheek, rubbing it softly. My breath hitches and I lean in, kissing him.

What did you just do?! What are you doing?! Stop, you have a boyfriend! I yell at myself but I can't stop my lips from moving against his. This is so wrong. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me in even closer, his hand connecting to my hair. We let go of each other quickly as we hear shuffling coming towards us. "Colby? Penny? Coast in clear," Sam whispers from the main hallway. Colby and I look at each other hesitantly for a moment. He clears his throat and steps out behind the bricks, he looks back at me and grabs my hand pulling him with me.

He lets go as we see Sam and Kat around the corner. "He went upstairs into one of the rooms. We need to go now," Sam tells us. I stay quiet but follow them out the asylum. We begin running down the path, being careful not to fall down the hill. We finally reach Sam's car and jump in. Kat and I sit in the back, grabbing the camera from Sam. "Go!" Kat yells to him. The camera stays on but we don't focus on it as Sam drives away. "Holy shit," he breathes out. I lean back and catch my breath, processing what just happened. What I just did.

Sam and Kat talk amongst themselves on the way home. I try my best to stay quiet, I'm scared I'll say something about what Colby and I just did.

What did that mean? Did it mean anything? Maybe it was just the moment. We weren't thinking right. I can feel myself begin to panic. I look up and make eye contact with Colby in the review mirror. I blink and look away.

I can't let myself do this again. I cannot let myself feel this way. It's dangerous. We said it would never happen again. And it can't! I have Alex. I have a boyfriend. Colby is bad for me. He makes me want to do things that I've never done before. He makes me nervous. He makes me regret not giving myself to him again. But it's different with him. It's exciting, it's lustful. It's something I don't feel when I'm with Alex. Alex makes me feel safe, comfortable, loved. He is the person I need, but he's not the one I want.