XPLR With Me • My Brother's Best Friend {Sam&Colby}

T W E N T Y - O N E

"I was not expecting this!" I yell with a smile. In front of me is a 2016 navy blue Camry, absolutely beautiful. "Mom! Dad!" I hug them both tightly. "Why? I thought I was just going to use your old car until I was 18." I ask my mom.

"Sam is the one who suggested it. He said you really deserved it. Your dad and I thought about it and since you are graduating early, starting your life early, we decided to do it." My mom hands me the keys to my new car.

"We know it's not the prettiest and newest car-" my dad begins to talk but I cut him off by hugging him. "I don't care, it's perfect, thank you." My eyes water as I hug him.

I know my parents love me. Of course they do. But, as I've said before, it's hard for me to feel their love. I've always been ignored. I was the mistake, remember? I was never supposed to exist. Somehow that contributed to me kind of being left out for my whole life.

"Go ahead and take it for a spin!" Sam says excitedly. I squeal and nod, dragging my mom to the car with me.

"Get in, I want you to show me all the cool features," I laugh. She gets in the passenger seat while I sit in the drivers. I start the car, the touch screen radio lighting up with all the other technology.

"Mom, this is perfect, thank you so much," I break out silence in the car while I drive, feeling how amazingly the car rides.

"You're very welcome, sweetie." She smiles and pats my hair down. "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about." My stomach drops and I glance at her.

Does she know what's going on? Does she know about Colby? Alex?

I clear my throat, "Yeah, what's up," I say casually.

"I know you're probably stuck on what to do after school," my stomach loosens up and I relax. "I want to ask you what you're thinking about. What are you considering?"

"I don't know, honestly. I want to branch out and experience life, but I haven't even applied to colleges and I graduate in two weeks. I'm pretty sure I've missed the deadlines." I frown.

"Well, there's always the spring semester. I'm sure we can find interested you're interested in. What's your hobbies? What do you like to do?" She asks me.

I chuckle to myself, the fact that my own mom has to ask me that is hilarious. "I really don't have any."

"What about when you were a kid, you used to read a lot, you loved literature. I swear you would grow up to be an award winning author." She smiles to herself.

"Yeah, I do like literature. I don't think I want to spend my whole life working with it though." I shrug.

Literature is the one thing I've enjoyed. Writing, reading, creating my own narratives and worlds. It was relaxing to me. As a fourteen year old, of course. I've lost that feeling since high school. I stopped reading when I fell into another state of depression. But, I will say that the only thing that has given me excitement, other than Colby, is reading.

"That's okay. Just think about it, baby. We have time."

***

My laptop sits on my bed open as I read over the different colleges near me. Because of my GPA, ACT and SAT scores I've been given an in state scholarship that allows me to go to college practically for free. I could go anywhere in Kansas. I'm sure other scholarships will help me go to any other college I would enjoy.

Best colleges for literature.

I type my google search and hit enter. There's UCLA, NYU, Grand Canyon and many more. I wish I could go to LA with Sam and Colby, it would be the perfect scenario for me and for my relationship with Colby. However, Sam would ensure that it wouldn't last long.

Maybe I'm best off leaving to go across the country, someone on the East Coast like New York or Duke in North Carolina. As if I'm good enough for Duke, I laugh to myself at the thought.

I'll apply to whoever I feel is fit, even to the ivy leagues that I will never be good enough for. I need to get out of Kansas. I need to find my place in the world, where there's no worries for me. A new start somewhere that I actually fit it at.