A Thug's Burden

Chp.5: Damages

NEECE POV

It was the next day, the start of the day, what I would consider an early morning which is ten in the morning since I know when school starts next month, ten is far from an early morning. Sammie made breakfast, just pancakes, and bacon and I must admit it did remind me of Ricky being in the kitchen. What I have done, leaving the house at three in the morning, I know I am in hell with both Ricky and Lonox. I am very much sure that they are beyond pissed at me and I don't even know if it would be possible for me to come back from this because if it one thing I would never do is choose a nigga over family but honestly Ricky and Reign both have struck a fucking nerve with me. I felt like Ricky chose Reign over me and Lonox was choosing Ricky over me. Everybody is all for Ricky and Reign and against me.

I feel as though that lights fuel to her. Makes her feel too fucking powerful and have the fucking audacity that she does to even say the words she said to me. The fact that Ricky chose her over me, taking up for her, demanding that I respect her, and all that is fucking ridiculous. Ricky has known me and my family since I have been on this fucking earth since my dad has been a part of BSG. My father has been a part of BSG before I was even born, my dad has devoted so much to New York, so the fact that Ricky is more loyal to Reign than to me is fucking ridiculous. The fact that he has stepped to me over his girlfriend is fucking baffling and the fact that the night before yesterday, he was really considering killing me in front of her or threatened to even kill me is beyond me.

I know I went against him by doing the same thing as Lonox but it is truly because the altercation with Reign set fuel to me, the fact that she is so fucking bold and the only reason she is that bold is because of Ricky. It's Ricky's fault. He holds her on a fucking pedestal and would choose her over me when technically he should be more loyal to Lonox and I than to Reign. We are just as close to BSG as him, the only difference is, his father is the leader of BSG. I will not tolerate the fucking disrespect of his girlfriend when she ain't even his fucking wife. He is not married to her for her to be that bold or for him to be so devoted to her. There is no fucking way New York taught him that.

"Someone's quiet this morning," Sammy mentioned breaking me out of my thoughts. I let out a small laugh "I'm sorry. I kind of dazed out." I mentioned slicing the pancakes in half. Sammy let out a small chuckle as he sat beside me at his dining table "you good shorty. You good? Something on your mind?" he asked.

On one end I did want to tell him how fucking flabbergasted I was that Ricky has really done that to me, on the other end, I don't think it really matters at this point. I shook my head " I really can't believe I am here with you." I expressed. Which is also true. I would never move in with a nigga. I would never choose a nigga over my brother and as loyal as I think Ricky should be to me, I have broken that loyalty that I am supposed to have for him. He did take us in when he didn't have to. I truly believe that New York would have had us sinking and not give one fuck about what happened to us for the sake of BSG in Chicago but on the other end, I refuse to be treated like that just because someone took me in. Fuck that and fuck him.

Sammy chuckled finishing his bite of bacon. "What do you mean ma?" he asked. I looked at him "Sammy we met in May. It's July and I am technically living with you. We of course know stuff about each other, I guess you can say we are comfortable with one another but let's also state facts here, we really don't know much about each other well enough for you to have been so fucking down for me to be under your roof. I also must admit, I have never in my fucking life done some shit like this and if my other family members knew, Sammy, no offense, and please don't take this as a threat or think of me different when I say this but I am being so real with you, we would both be dead and I really think I probably did more damage to you than to me by doing this. By even dragging you into this." I expressed.