A Thug's Burden

Chp.8: Last Twenty Four Hours

NEECE POV

The sun pierced through the curtains lighting up the room as I lay in bed once again trying to piece all this shit together. How did I not think to ask or how did I not pay attention enough to realize it, Sammie has always made himself to be this hardworking, getting it out the mud kind of dude that has great financial literacy and discipline.

I never questioned him having his own spot, his own car, and managing quite well honestly. He also never came off as this gang ass nigga, just a regular dude who wanted to do his own thing and have his own things but I also can't lie that me now knowing he's in a gang makes better sense.

Since he has always come off as a guy that never had any handouts, doesn't talk about his family or his parents, doesn't talk about ordinary jobs or any of that, I don't see why I didn't think if the nigga sold drugs or something but that is also coming from a girl who stayed with people like Ricky and Eddie who is seventeen, has a five-bedroom house and expensive ass cars. Each of them actually, Erik and Ray also have their own houses and expensive ass cars, so in my world, it's quite familiar and normal but I have to also take into account that Ricky them are fucking gang members.

But let's not also act like there aren't people well teenagers who don't have their own apartment if they're eighteen and have their own cars and working to make ends meet. It's just the fact that in this case, I definitely should have asked Sammie or it should have came to mind because I am around people like Ricky, Eddie, Ray, and Erik so I feel as though I should have known.

I also should have known based on his schedule. Him leaving at certain times, coming back at certain times, or even random times. He didn't ever talk about his day or whatever he was doing and I have always been a person to just not really care to ask because I was also raised by a whole gang of niggas and people who are in a gang and just don't talk about it. My father never came home talking about gang shit and especially not around us.

My father never came home discussing whatever BSG had going on and what happened at the trap or any of that. If he was stressed out about gang shit, he normally just be to himself, he didn't take it out on us or any of that. He just was quiet and tried to cope at being a dad and husband the best way he could and silently stressing out about whatever gang shit BSG had going on. I didn't know about the gang shit until Lonox and I begin to snoop around the house and actually started to pay attention and then once my father caught us snooping around and being curious, he sat us down and explained it to us about BSG and what he does. Not necessary telling us that he killed niggas for a living but put it in a way where he made BSG sound like a business, an empire, a job, but not some ordinary job for sure.

I guess then since we knew about it and the older we got, of course, we wanted to know more, and with New York, Ricky, Eddie, and Ray them coming to Chicago every once in a while, we eventually found out more about BSG and what it really was and then it all just made sense of how our father was gone a few days or randomly leaves and come back and his moods and all that made sense. So my whole life, it was normal and because it was normal, I didn't question those actions and as it is shown with the situation I am in with Sammie. I still don't and didn't question any of his actions.

I guess that's a pro and a con to me growing up with a father who's in a very powerful gang. I know it would be expected of me to have been much smarter about this because although I didn't and still don't want to be a part of BSG and with the gang shit, I was in Chicago being reckless, still in them streets with my brother getting into anything and everything, especially since I knew that my father was responsible for BSG in Chicago, I can't lie, I did take advantage of that and I did push and cross those boundaries in the streets because of who my father is and what he does for a living.