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CHAPTER NINETEEN.
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⎾NEW HAVEN ⏋
THE NOVEMBER RAIN HIT THE CITY OF LIGHTS EARLIER THAT YEAR, the winds hit violently against the walls and the windows of New Haven. Her eyes fixed the white wall, her hand gripping tightly against the cold metal bed rails. The pungent smell of disinfect was invading her nostrils. The room was silent apart from her heavy breathing. Her cold and sweaty back ached, she wished she could jump in a warm bath. Her eyes squinted at the icy spicules sliding down the window glass. She realized⎯ the more time passed, and the more she felt her back ache. She fought against the whimpers and the cold sweat that decorated her forehead, she felt it slide against her cold skin like Niagara falls. The pain became waves of cramping agony that left her gasping for air, and it went on and on, the day fading into night, the rain blown away by the wind, the dark suffocating hours endless.
She could hear the doctors murmuring to each other, could see the tops of their heads. She could see the movements as they went in and out. As their hands slid inside her and out continuously that it became irritating. And then she could feel liquid leaving her body so fast, that she lost count of how many liters went. And then she felt it begin⎯⎯ the bones in her body breaking and healing, continuously as the pain became worse and worse. The doctor's words faded slowly away as she settled in her own reality. The pain mixed with salted tears, each drop full of ache and unspoken words. She couldn't scream, her voice wouldn't come out as the shock slowly overtook her body.
She felt the life slowly leave her body like a sort of exorcism. One minute her eyes fixed the lights in the ceiling, her ears were crowded with a dangerous and venomous silence. And then, slowly a different kind of cry filled her auditory organs. The blurred vision returned slowly but not completely as her eyes watched the events occuring. She could hear someone else speaking, the doctor's voice, saying few words, asking her questions.
She was somwhere between consciousness and unconsciousness. Trapped between the reality and her mind.
She felt them put something heavy on her arms. It moved and kicked like a small hummingbird. Was her vision blurry or her subconscious didn't want her to see what she was holding? It felt like it was blocking her vision⎯ trying to protect her from the hurt.
Slowly as she regained a small fragment of her sanity. Her eyes opened slowly to meet life. It felt uncanny to hold something so fragile without breaking it.
"It's a girl," the woman next to her said, a small sad smile tugging at her lips. She knew what this girl went through, the pain, the hours of labor. "do you want to keep her?"
