words ft. lyrics

to burn out forever or light up a spark

earlier at church, the priest had talked about jesus loving everyone because they were worth it. she began to doubt her worth, but somewhere in the depths of her sea of brooding thoughts, a promise began to resurface.

she once believed that if she wasn't able to help herself in the way she wanted, she'd try to extend that help to others so they would not be alone.

and halfway through the sermon, he interrupted her and out of the blue, told her a victory ritual lionel messi did when the latter scored a goal. she laughed at him, thinking that he was joking. or perhaps she laughed because that little action was a spark in the dullness of the day. a spark enough to reignite the desire to help others.

everything was so disjointed. she could not make sense of anything at all. troubled thoughts clouded her mind, the past seeming to resonate in the confines of her brain, like the echoes of incessant bells; the present engulfing her in self-doubt — was she really out of line when she spoke up for something she felt so strong about? was she a disgrace because she didn't have the same views as the majority? — tendrils of worry and disappointment curled around her, at the brink of suffocating her with just one more curl; the future being a tunnel so long and narrow she wasn't so sure she could even squeeze through, much less see where it ended.

but when he came into her room, lifting the collar of his t-shirt and kissing it, making the sign of the cross, then raising both his hands up (with only the pointer fingers sticking up), an invisible thread tugged at the corner of her lips and for a moment — just one fleeting moment, the troubled clouds parted to let a ray of sunshine stream through. her grey clouds didn't have silver linings — her grey clouds had been there so that when the sunlight, in all its magnificent glory, peeked through them, those little pockets of light would illuminate the surroundings, making everything shine much much brighter.

and the ray of sunshine her brother (you didn't think they were lovers, did you?) offered her just made her desire burn brighter, stronger. she wanted to illuminate others' lives too, with whatever light she had to offer. and even if she were just a grey cloud, she'd part to let the sunshine stream through and reach the people who needed it. 

∞

song: kids in the dark // all time low