words ft. lyrics

hold on 'til may

The same goddamned thing happened on the same day, just one year later. And they said one year was supposed to make you ten times more mature, but as you blinked your eyes and told yourself nope I'm not going down that road ever again and you felt something prickle your eyes you murmured to yourself that it was just the humid weather (even though it had been sweltering hot the past few weeks).

It fell apart on the same day one year later, three days after her birthday, three days before yours and four years after that cursed exam and you tried, you really tried to hold it in but somehow you just wanted to soak face with salty tears and relish the coolness it brought on this dry, humid night.

When you thought one year trained you to have more control, everything unravelled apart. One year worth of meticulous embroidery fell apart when one frayed thread stubbornly latched onto your past. It sadistically rejoiced in the fact that it was the only one link left.

Tugging was futile and ripping was fruitless. Snipping definitely would not do as for a moment, you feared that that one sole thread was the string of life that bound you to this Earth and when you cut it, you saved the Fates from doing one more job to end a life.

But you wanted to play Fate too, and prematurely severe the bond between yourself and the earth but in the end you held on to May and even when everything was crashing down that same month, you still held on. You weren't a stitch away from making it – you were a stitch away from losing it.

You made it to May and six, no, eight months after it and all that was left was two more months to May. So you indulged yourself in more words, more literature, more history, more worlds just to get a rather permanent vacation from this one called Twenty First Century on Earth.

And some part of you wished you could hide back in that deep, dark hole and never see a sliver of sunlight again because the nothingness that enveloped you felt comforting and everything was less complicated back there, back then. You felt like you were literally in purgatory – not in enough pain to be suffering in the depths of hell yet too burdened to be freely and sinlessly strolling in heaven.

–

and as the sun went down we ended up on the ground