words ft. lyrics

throw 'em back 'til i lose count

those pills aren't the cure to your sickness. they suppress the nerves and push away the clouds but it only lasts for a while, and only a minority gets defeated.

yet you wish they could be the cure. every night, you are hopeful as you pop them in, wishing they were antibiotics that can miraculously eradicate your sickness within a week or two. but they don't work that way. still, the faith in those pills never ceased. you believed that with each capsule, you were on the road to recovery, on the way to peace.

you look forward to that hour where you will ingest that little blue and white capsule. during the day, when the voices get too much, you'd wish for the pill but you couldn't take more than once a day. so you had to wait.

and wait you did.

swallowing it at the end of the day brings a sense of relief to you; it assures you that medication is here, and the swarm of buzzing thoughts surrounding your head will disappear; the grey and dismal lenses you wore each day will fade to transparent; the heightened senses will calm down and paranoid glances will be reduced.

perhaps each pill is the only thing that reminds you that you are actually making an effort to get better.

because you don't think you are trying hard enough.

∞

song: chandelier // sia (pvris cover)