words ft. lyrics

say you'll remember me

hey.

hi.

hey, yeah. why am i even writing about you in the first place? you're not supposed to be on my mind. i've tried to block every single thought of you (stopthinkingstopthinkingstopthinking), but you managed to infiltrate my mind. be it the slightest mention of your school, or just any talent that you have (which is quite a lot, might i add).

you're the first person i think of when they mention "guy friend". i mean, granted, you're the only one i trust, maybe that's why.

but even as i am addressing this to no one in particular, i feel so... so... awkward doing so. i'm not good at talking about my feelings -- not that there are any for you to begin with -- so this is embarrassing for me.

sure, writing is a form of catharsis for me, but sadness and anger have become so familiar to me that this new feeling is foreign.

fear?

not really, though. it's not like i have not experienced fear before. when you're anxious or nervous or worried, there's bound to be fear. that's why you worry.

fear of things not turning out the right way? or the less awkward way?

probably.

but that's the same fear i face with everything else i do in life. maybe that fear is somehow carried over to this situation too.

in- infa- infatuation...?

this isn't something foreign to me too. i have a long list of potential husbands and wives that (excuse you) i will marry someday so infatuation is definitely not something new to me.

and then i realised. both fear and possible infatuation mix when i think of you. the fear of being infatuated with you.

you're a great muse for sappy stories, for unrequited love, for teenage infatuation. so thanks for being that inspiration. but this isn't a story. these are words i dug out from an abandoned closet at the back of my mind.

sometimes i wonder if the infatuation is with the image of you. maybe your traits and talents are the manifestations of "perfect". my definition of perfect.

and maybe i'm just in love with the idea of you. how people like you can just flawlessly charm the emotionless and string along lovers like picking up shenanigans from the streets and attaching them to a rope just to drag them along the pavement as you searched for your next prize.

thanks for being a muse. thanks for being that idea that i can deconstruct for my next piece of writing. thanks for taking me for a ride.

even though you didn't fall in love with me, your memory will live on through this short piece i just wrote of you. even though you didn't think you were being idealised, i just laid all my cards on the table to show you that you are. even though you didn't take me on a romantic motorcycle drive where i could rest my head upon your shoulder and wrap my arms around your waist, you prompted me to adventure to the depths of my mind as you lead me on to think i'd reach the exit immediately.

thanks for being a friend.

-

standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset 

∞

song: wildest dreams // taylor swift