A HEART AS DARK AS MINE caos caliban x oc

knights and princesses (edited)

THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR COME TO MAKE HIS PRINCESS A SLAVE.
He was too close. No more than thirty paces behind me and gaining by the second. The beat of hooves rang loud in my ears, steady and sure as the knowledge that I would not escape.

Not now. Not ever.

The trees were closing in around me, the forest of torment trapping me at my husbands whim. I tried to slip through the cracks, disappear into the labyrinth of pines cloaked by the night and heavy mist, but there was no escape.

Thorns tore at my bare feet, and I wished for my quickly discarded heels at the sight of blood trailing down my legs. The hem of my dress had been shredded, the haunting image of a runaway bride.

Two of his sentries sieged me in their leathery grasps, stopping my struggles to escape. I wrestled them to no avail as they dragged me before Caliban. They wore gloves of Damascus steel, binding my magic and rendering me powerless before him.

His dismounted his horse, commanding them to release me with a flick of his hand. Daring me to run with a single glance.

"Why do you run from me still, after all this time?" He asked me, his tone more bored than angry. "I thought we were past this. I thought you'd decided to stop pretending that you hate me."

"Don't do this." I whisper.

His smile falls away.

"Don't make me sit and play house in the palace. I don't want to be a bride. Please- Caliban don't take this from me. Don't put that ring on my finger." I choke out, pleading with him.

He sighs, drawing nearer and I stumble back, if only to avoid being too close to him. I know if he gets any nearer I'll willingly get on that horse with him, ride back to the palace and let him dress me up and pump me full of poisonous lies. That's what scares me most. Not what he will do to me, the fact that I would let him.

"It's tradition." He soothed, "Sera you'd still have free will. I would never control you, because you would never give me a reason too."

I didn't miss the threat it his words. Obey me and I won't have to force you to.

My body wouldn't listen to my brain, the lasting effects of the drugs leaving me unfathomably out of control. Was this what my whole life would be like once that ring was on my finger? Forced to give control of my own body away?

When Caliban kneeled to my height there was an anger to him that I had never seen before. It made me shiver. Roughly, he clasped my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. 

"You'll never run from me again." He promised softly, snatching up my shaking hand.

"Please," I begged as he slid the band of thorns onto my trembling finger.

The thorns clamped onto my skin, tips sinking deep into my flesh, so deep I let out a piercing cry. Blood blossomed from my ring, spilling into the charred grey grass and staining it with red.

"It's alright." Caliban soothed. "The pain will end, I promise." He took me into his arms and I didn't fight him as he smoothed down my hair, his anger and my fear subsiding as he held me. I was numb to it all. With each betrayal he made the pain lessened. He ran a finger down my scarred back, and I didn't miss his breathy whisper.

"All of it."

And for a moment all I wanted was for him to be the boy from those dreams again. Without the complications of politics or marriage or power, back when we could just be. And if he were still that boy, I was scared to think of how differently things could have been. I was scared to think that I would have gladly let him put that ring on my finger. That I would have killed my father at his ask.

"You have no clue what you want," I realised as I was loaded onto his horse, "first you offer to step down so that I can rule- then you trap me underground and betray me and next you give up your throne and spoon feed me power as though I should be grateful for what is mine! And now all of a sudden you take it all away and tie me down because you're what... scared I'll leave you?"

This time no amused smile danced at his lips. "What do you want me to say, Sera?" He asked, turning to face me. "Because I am scared. That throne is what I was made for. I would do anything I would betray anyone, even you, for it. That is my purpose. It is something I cannot fight and you cannot change no matter what you wish. But you are all I want. And by some cruel twist of fate I cannot have you both so if this what I must do- if I must chain you to me and suffer your hate for all eternity then so be it, but I would rather have you hate me than not have you at all."

I don't miss how his voice cracks. His heart is as empty as mine and I yearn for the days when our hearts were full, before our minds went to war, back when I thought him to be simply a figment of my imagination.

"Would you chose me, if it came to it?" I asked him softly, already knowing I would not like his answer.

"I don't know." His words were quiet. "Would you... chose me?"

I think that was the moment I realised that the throne would never fill the hole in my heart. No matter how much I devoted my existence to attaining the unattainable, I would never feel complete again. It was only in his arms that that hole grew smaller. It was still there, always there, but it never cut quite as deep when I was with him.

I think that was the moment that I realised I wanted him more than I wanted any throne or crown or title.

"Every time."

It was a realisation that came with an overwhelming wave of self loathing. Caliban was hardly any different to those angels. It was me who had changed.

Although perhaps the difference between them was that Caliban seemed to heal the wounds he gave me, only he cut deeper each time. I let him cut me. I liked the sting. I liked knowing that he'd always take the pain away as quickly as he brought it.

How had I fallen so far?