snowflake ☆ k.dy ☆ ayakashi series | ✔

doyoung [thirty-eight]

Sleep didn't come easy to you that night. You laid awake in your blanket cocoon in Erethulia, staring at Doyoung's back. You weren't sure if he was awake or not, all you could see was his steady breathing as he was still otherwise. Meanwhile you kept tossing and turning. Every so often you'd be on the verge of falling asleep, but a sudden terror of wasting your last few hours with Doyoung would seize you, and you'd be wide awake again.

"You should get some rest, love," his voice broke the silence, confirming that he wasn't actually asleep. Your boyfriend turned over onto his other side to look at you.

"I can sleep after." Your words trembled as you spoke. "I'll never be able to see you again, though."

Doyoung didn't have much to say in response, delicately caressing your cheek for a moment, goosebumps being left on your skin in his wake.

"Do Erethulians get an afterlife? I don't mean, do you believe in one, I mean, do you all have different cosmic rules about life and death than humans do?"

"Sort of," he answered quietly. "My consciousness won't remain. My memories, my thoughts, my feelings, will cease to exist. But my energy, my life force, will become part of each and every Erethulian. Every Erethulian will have a piece of me in them. Minhee, Jaewoon, all of them."

You couldn't bite back your whine, "That's not good enough."

"I know. I'm sorry, love."

"So how—how is it going to happen?"

"Y/N..."

"I have to know, before it happens."

He sighed. "I'll enter the water in the Lady's Spring, and you won't see me again."

"That—that's it?" You were absolutely flabbergasted, having expected some big ritual. You didn't know which would've been worse: dragging it out in a lengthy process, or the short and sweet version you were going to have to experience come sunrise.

"There will be more for me to do, once I'm underwater, but that's all you'll have to see."

"What the hell do you have to do underwater?"

Doyoung once again reached his hand out towards you, and you pulled an arm out to link your fingers with his.

"According to Chaewon, I'll be faced with the spirit of Erethulia herself. After that, nobody knows what's going to happen. Everyone has their own theories, but no proof one way or another."

"What do you think's going to happen?"

"I hope it doesn't feel anything like how I imagine drowning feels. I think Erethulia might want me to let go of my tethers to mortality. And I know I'll hold onto you as long as I can."

Tears spilled over, falling down your cheeks in raging rivers at his sweet words. They were red hot tears that singed your eyes as they fell, and you had to ball up your fist that was still in your blanket cocoon in order to not just start hitting things out of anger. Your fingernails were definitely breaking skin, and you gritted your teeth so hard that they might shatter. It wasn't fucking fair.

Doyoung sighed, features clearly pained, "I wish there were words I could say to make this better, love, I really do."

"There are, but you won't say them," you croaked out, meaning for it to be venomous, but instead your voice sounded defeated. Your fist relaxed back into an open hand, and even your tears stopped as your entire body and soul felt absolutely wiped.

He was silent, pressing a kiss to your hand in place of speech. Because he couldn't bring himself to say those words, he couldn't tell his people no, tell them that he wasn't going to do everything he could to save them.