𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖 | Draco Malfoy

THIRTY | these violent delights, have violent ends

I've been hunched over the toilet for a while now, hurling my guts up. It was one gunshot— just one, yet it keeps replaying in my head.

After some time, gentle hands pull back my hair and a familiar body crouches behind me. I'm sobbing and vomiting, yet I don't care that Draco sees me like this— devastated and disgusting. Let him see. Let him decide if I'm worth all the trouble.

"You're okay, you're okay.." He keeps repeating the same words, rubbing his hand in circles over my back. I'm not, I'd answer if I could talk, I'm really not and I can't imagine being okay again.

"It's over, Blair. You're safe."

I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.

I need to get the fuck out of this house.

My trembling hands grab the edge of the toilet, and I get up once my vomiting has stopped because there's nothing left in my stomach. I flush, and I stumble out of the bathroom with Draco on my feet. I don't look at him. I'm barely breathing.

Draco rushes over to me when I nearly drop back down to my knees once I'm back in that living room. The room Atlas and I would play in as kids, when our parents weren't around to torment us. When everything was easier. When he was alive.

"T—Take me home.. I need to go home.." I choke out, his hands around my waist nothing but a blur of touch and attempted comfort.

Not back to Draco's Manor.
Back to Theo.

"I'll take you home." Draco says, and I can tell that he understands, that he knows what I mean.

Draco takes my face into his hands and brushes my hair away. "There's nothing you have to do but tell Theo you don't remember a thing, okay? I'll take care of the rest." He says calmly.

I nod absently, so he lets go of my face and scoops my weak body up into his arms. Good, I can't walk anymore. I'm done, and my body feels worn and exhausted. I just want to lie down and forget.

Some cruel, selfish part of me truly wants my memories to be erased. But that wouldn't be fair. I deserve to feel the pain. I'm a murderer.

I shut my eyes, and Draco apparates us right to my front door. I only open my eyes when I hear the familiar click of the door opening, and the creak of his feet pressing into the floorboards of the hall.

"Theo?" Draco calls out my brother's name, and my heart aches with relief.

Rapid footsteps bolt down the stairs, and my brother's voice sounds from close by. "Draco?" I blink and blink and my brother's figure strides into sight. His light brown hair— and those emerald eyes so full of worry and relief that the guilt almost consumes me whole— if there's anything left of me to be taken. My eyes tear.

"Blair.." Theo's voice breaks as he drops the papers he's holding, rushing towards me with tears brimming in his eyes.

Draco carefully puts me back down on my feet, and a shattered sound leaves my mouth when Theo takes my face into his hands, and my brother starts to cry for the first time in decades. "I—I thought.. I thought you were dead." He whispers.

Wouldn't that be easier for everyone.

"She has no memory of anything that happened the past two and a half weeks. She appeared on my doorstep and fainted, her body's weak from the fever and shock." Draco says gently from behind me, his voice a small light in all this darkness.