Violet

YOU, YOU, YOU.

TW for insinuation of suicidal thoughts.
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I didn't sleep.

I lay awake in my cold, dark room, rolling over the tears that had stained my pillow.

The bed was only cold because she wasn't in it. I tossed and turned in my sheets, my chest feeling like a million stones were in my lungs.

I was wracked with the same vision I had seen earlier, of Jinx, Sevika, and the man. Soon, I had forgotten what my surroundings looked like without a blue coating framing them. Like a perfect, oceanic filter from hell.

I was unable to control my breathing, for Vi's hand wasn't there to squeeze my shoulders or rub my back. Her arms were not here to take me in them. Her lips were not here to kiss my tears away.

So I had to deal with it. I had to lie there as I saw their faces, over and over again, as blood spilled from my nose and mouth, as my breathing stayed inconsistent and heavy, and my fingertips grew numb with lightheadedness.

Eventually, at some point during the painful night, I had grown tired of it all, and fallen asleep. My body gave up, pulling me into unconscious.

Maybe, maybe sleep would be mercy, I thought. But it wasn't. Not in the slightest.

It was the same hell as being awake. Again, I saw their faces. Jinx, Sevika, the man. But this time, Vi was there. I stayed asleep as I watched her be killed over and over again in a million different scenarios, unable to do anything.

I woke many times, screaming for her. Soon, I gave up trying to sleep. I rose from the bed, going to the window and lighting a cigarette. It was a filthy habit, something Vi and I indulged in together. We had discussed many times how we should stop, but we never did.

I struggled to light it, my hands trembling like a small flower in the wind of a hurricane.

Once it was finally lit, I breathed in the nicotine, allowing it to replace the stones in my lungs and the acid in my stomach. I breathed long and hard, my head feeling light once again. I looked out onto the clearing down below, contemplating it. I thought about it long and hard, before wrenching my eyes from the ground and raising my gaze to the great tree before me.

I let the swaying of the branches soothe and still me, rest my beating heart. I stayed there for hours, finally putting out my cigarette as I watched the suns rays peek through the hefty branches, before turning away from the window to get ready. We needed to leave, now. Or else I may go mad.

I splashed cold water on my face, letting it wash away the blood and tears and rouse my senses. I brushed my teeth before hopping in the shower, the hot water feeling like daggers on my back.

I stepped out, going through the motions just to go through them, barely paying attention to what exactly I was doing.

I pulled on my suit, my boots, my gloves, my swords. I walked out the door, meeting Ekko in the clearing.

He took one look at my face, and his smile turned into a frown. "Rough night?" Ekko quipped, trying to raise my spirits.

"Shut up. Let's go, or else I might murder everyone here." I said tiredly, my voice like sandpaper as I walked past him.

He and seven people followed me, all clad in gear and weaponry. Ekko caught up to my side, leading the way.

"Wait! I'm coming!" Me and Ekko turned towards the medbay, where Caitlyn was running out, yelling at us. She stopped in front of us, her hands in her knees as she panted. I rolled my eyes as she held up a hand, as if to say give me a minute.