New Girl // Stiles Stilinski [1]

Chapter 15: Ritual

I got out of his jeep and Stiles and I walked through the door. The second I walked in there people were already staring and whispering. It made me feel real uncomfortable.

"Stiles are they staring at me?" I asked looking up at him as we walked down the hall.

 "Um yeah, just ignore them." I nodded my head and kept my head down so I wouldn't have to look at them.

"That's the girl who's dad was murdered."

 "I heard her mom is dead to."

 "I feel bad for her."

 "Whats her name again?" 

"Why is she even here? After what happened, ugh, I would probably die." 

"Oh my gosh look, I think she's crying."

Hearing everyone talk about me and my dad was really hard. I didn't want to cry so I tried holding it all back

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. Don't listen to them okay?" Stiles whispered to me. It's kinda hard not to. That's all I hear walking down the halls.

"I don't think I can do this." I said and ran into the nearest bathroom. I dropped all my stuff onto the ground as I stood in front of the mirror. It's a good thing no one else is in here or they would have seen my mental break down.

I can't do this. It's to hard. I looked in the mirror at myself. My eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep. My face looked drained from all the crying i've done.

Weak. That's what I am. I'm weak.

I could feel anger start to boil up inside me. I'm sick and tired of crying and I'm sick and tired of being weak. I just want all of this to go away. I don't want to feel what I'm feeling.

I was finding it hard to breath again. Oh no I can't have another panic attack. I gripped the side of the sink and started to count to 10 like Melissa did when I had one at the hospital.

I finally managed to catch my breath as someone walked in the bathroom. I wiped my eyes and fixed my make up.

I grabbed all my stuff and walked out of the bathroom. I jumped when I saw Stiles standing by the door. "You okay?" He asked me quietly.

"You ask that a lot." I said and walked down the hall to my locker. He leaned against the other side as I got my books out.

"I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I care." I closed my locker and smiled at him. 

"I don't really know. I feel a lot and I don't think I'm okay. Iv'e lost both my parents within a year and I'm only 16."

***

Finally once it was the end of the day and I rushed into her classroom. I closed the door when I saw no one was in there but her.

"Brianna I'm so sorry I heard what happened on the news I-" I cut her off. 

"I want you to do it." She looked at me with shock. 

"Are you sure? Maybe you should think about this."

"I'm sure. You said I could turn my humanity off and all these emotions I'm feeling, I just want them gone. I'm tired of feeling weak and I want power." I was just as surprised as she was at the words I used. I don't know where at came from. Power. I never really thought about it.

"I'll do it. But it takes time to prepare. If you change your mind don't hesitate to tell me." I just rolled my eyes and walked out.

I'm doing this.