[ extra special ] ~ tom hiddleston

60 - fuck i'm naked

PART 60:
fuck i'm naked

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(valencia's pov)

what the fuck.
out of all the stupid decisions i've made in life, this one seems to be the worst. like the actual worst.
i can't even run away from it since it's in my own house, i can't just pick up my clothes and run out.

fuck i'm naked. i just realized that again.

i slowly turn to my side once more to find tom sleeping soundly. he looks peaceful and content, the opposite of what i look like, panicked and in deep regret.

come on valencia, you were supposed to be the one that moved on, the one that wouldn't go back to an ex. instead i fucking sleep with an ex.

i don't even know how it started, we were at a kids fucking birthday party for fucks sake. and then we started singing and enjoying our time together in the car, apparently singing leads to sex now.

i immediately freeze as tom shuffles in the sheets, and i hate to admit that i started admiring his chest and abs. stop it, valencia!

i have to think of a way out, what do i even say when he wakes up?
sorry i slept with you, i'll see you at filming next month!
it was a mistake, an enjoyable mistake.

maybe i should just run out and buy a new house in paris.

"um...morning?" i hear from beside me.

i don't dare look at him.

he sighs and i can see him rubbing the tiredness from his eyes from the side,
"you think this is bad, huh?"

i grab the ends of my messy hair and look at him for the first time since he woke up. he's looking right at me, but i don't see any regret in his eyes.

"tom..." i don't even know what to say.

he quietly groans as i speak again,
"i do think this is bad, tom. this is so bad..."

"why though? why is it bad, valencia?"

"we're broken up for fucks sake, we shouldn't be sleeping together," i respond.

he sighs again,
"...valencia. yes we're not together anymore but that doesn't mean our feelings are gone—"

"your feelings. your feelings aren't gone but mine are. i told you this, i told you i've moved on. and now i slept with you, god," i tug at my hair for what seems like the millionth time this morning.

"didn't seem like it," he mumbles.

"this isn't a joking type of situation, tom" i say but a chuckle comes out, a bitter one.

"it's a little funny..." he lets out a chuckle himself.

"put your clothes back on please," i point to the floor where multiple pieces of clothing are scattered and put my face in my hands to cover the view.

"nothing you haven't seen before," he snickers as i hear him put his clothes on.

"stop joking around, tom!" i almost whine with a laugh, trying to pick up my own clothes while keeping the bedsheets around my body.

after successfully putting yesterday's clothes on, i turn around to see a fully dressed tom looking at me,
"you were looking the whole time, weren't you?"

"not guilty until proven so," he shrugs with a tiny smirk.

"pretty sure it's guilty until proven innocent," i purse my lips and start heading outside the bedroom.

once we've reached the downstairs living room, i turn to him with a serious expression:
"tom. please listen to me, our relationship isn't a relationship anymore and you know that. i told you i moved on, and that you should move on too, and now we did...that. i don't...i don't know."

"listen to me, valencia. when are you gonna stop lying to yourself?" he questions.

"i'm sorry?" i scoff.

"you might've moved on but you couldn't have fully done so. i mean—"

"you're trying to tell me what my feelings are? tom, those eight months have been absolute hell for me, not just for you. the person i loved and thought loved me back just stopped all communication with me because of a scandal that was never even confirmed to be true. i'm not dumb, i know you listened to those voicemails, i know you saw them confirm i never cheated, i know someone advised you to call me back, but you never did. of course i was going to move on from someone that didn't send a single message to me for eight fucking months."

i don't even look at him anymore, and with a sigh i end my little sad monologue,
"just leave, tom. please leave."

"i'll leave. i'll leave if you really want me to. but, before i go, i just need to know something...i need to know if there's ever another chance. another chance to redeem myself, to get back together," he asks after a minute of silence.

looking up at him, i see hope in his eyes.
'if you've fully moved on, you wouldn't even be talking about him right now' i remember lizzie's words, she was trying to talk me into going on a night out with her a few weeks ago to help me genuinely move on, because let's be honest, everyone except me knew i wasn't a hundred percent over it.

yes i've written songs, i became more successful, i became a happier version of myself, i even went back to paris for a few days to have lunch with my dad.
but, it's hard to let go of someone you truly loved.

"valencia?" his voice brings me back into reality.

i don't respond.
instead, i grab him and connect my lips with his.

i've always tended to listen to my heart instead of my mind anyways.