When Dreams Come True

6. When nightmares come true

It had been a month since the "dream date" happened and Gouenji and [F/N] were officially a couple now. [F/N] felt she hadn't been so happy ever before. Gouenji was as sweet and nice as [F/N] always imagined him to be. He always cared for [F/N] and made sure he was there for her whenever she needed him. [F/N] felt she could die from all the happiness. Sometimes, it all seemed like a dream, too good to be true.

Everything was so right...except one thing.

Every once in a while [F/N] would remember the truth she hid from him and it would take away her sleep for the night. In the heat of the moment, she took a decision for her own good disregarding the happiness of the one she loved the most.

How she regrets it now! Sure, Gouenji was happy being with her but when he will know what she did, will he not hate her? At this point, being with him and starting a family someday seemed like a far-fetched dream. Luckily, he didn't know it yet, but [F/N] wasn't sure how long she could bear the burden of this huge secret. Sometimes, she felt like falling onto her knees and crying out loud and maybe she will then be forgiven by God. Such was the guilt that had built up in her mind over time.

This state of her mind started to take effect on her body too. Her face became pale. She would not eat properly and she looked tired all the time. Of course, Gouenji noticed it and he was worried about her. One evening, they were taking a walk on the lakeside, as they both loved that place and went there every once in a while and spent hours lying on the grass and talking. But this particular day, Gouenji noticed [F/N] seemed lost in her own thoughts. She was barely paying attention to what he was saying. Gouenji finally decided to ask her what was bothering her.

"[F/N]! Are you even listening to me?" his sudden exclamation startled her a bit and broke the train of thoughts in her mind.

"Y-yeah, I'm sorry I spaced out a little." [F/N] stuttered, a little embarrassed.

"You have been like this for a couple of weeks now. Is something bothering you?"

[F/N]'s face turned paler than it already was on this question because Gouenji had unintentionally hit the nerve. What was she supposed to say? "Yes, something's bothering me and that is, how I have been utterly selfish and taken away your one chance to reunite with your family and your friends and most importantly, your beloved sister Yuuka who you miss so dearly because I wanted you to be with me forever? My life is perfect now but I can't be happy. Everything is so right yet so wrong. "

"No, why would you think that?" She lied and tried to smile.

Gouenji knew right away she was lying and it worried him even more. He was a little hurt to know that [F/N] was hiding something from him but he stayed patient.

"You look pale and tired and you barely eat anything. What am I supposed to make of that?" He then cupped her cheeks with his hands and said softly, "I am worried for you. Please tell me what is wrong?"

His gentleness broke her down. She felt terrible about how she lied to him while he is so nice to her. She felt like she didn't deserve him anymore. Suddenly, she broke down into tears and hugged him tightly, resting her head on his chest. Gouenji wrapped his arms around her and ran his hand through her hair trying to console her.

"It's ok, it'll be alright. Whatever it is that's bothering you, I am sure we'll figure out a solution."

[F/N] calmed down after a while. She felt slightly better now but she was still not over her guilt.

...

The next day in college Gouenji met Tsuki to talk about the condition of [F/N].

"I tried talking to her but she wouldn't tell me anything. " Gouenji told Tsuki.

"Ok, I will try talking to her. I hope she will tell me what's bothering her. " Tsuki replied.

"I hope so too. It's hard to see her in a condition like this. I am really worried for her." Gouenji concluded.

When the last class of the day ended, students started rushing out the door and into the hallway in all directions. [F/N] was about to follow the crowd when Tsuki held her by her wrist and urged her to stop. [F/N] had been avoiding her a little lately because she knew the moment she will talk to her, she would bombard her with questions about what's going on and why is she so distracted lately; but now she had no choice but to face her.

"[F/N], me and Gouenji have been watching you lately. You seem to be in a bad condition. We are worried. "

"It's nothing. Just some workload." [F/N] tried to sound nonchalant.

"Don't lie to me [F/N]!" Tsuki exclaimed which startled [F/N] a bit. She had never seen Tsuki like this. But Tsuki quickly calmed down and continued, being as soft and polite as possible, "Listen [F/N], I am your friend and I want to help you so please, tell me what's bothering you."

"No, you can't! No one can help me. I am a horrible person who doesn't even deserve anyone's sympathy and care. " [F/N] burst into tears again. She seemed to be losing control of her emotions a lot lately.

"What do you mean [F/N]? What did you do?" Tsuki was confused.

[F/N] couldn't fight it anymore. She couldn't keep this huge secret inside of her anymore. She thought it was time she took someone in her confidence and who would be better than her best friend. So she held back her tears and began,

"Ok fine, so here goes..." [F/N] started from the beginning and went on to tell her how Gouenji did not belong here and how he reached here by accident. Tsuki was baffled beyond description.

"... and last month, I came to know about how he could go back to where he came from but I hid it from him because I wanted him to be with me forever." [F/N] continued between occasional sobs.

"What?" A deep voice came from the direction where the door was.

[F/N] and Tsuki quickly turned to see who it was only to find [F/N]'s worst nightmare come true. Yes, it was none other than Gouenji, who had just heard everything. He wore a mixed expression of shock, hurt and anger. His gaze was fixed straight at [F/N] and it sent shivers down her spine. She ran up to him in hopes to say something that could turn this around,

"Shuuya, I..." She stuttered.

"How could you do this to me, [F/N]?" Gouenji said in a low voice with gritted teeth, cutting her off. [F/N] froze at the way Gouenji spoke. There was so much anger in his words it was not hard to tell how hurt and betrayed he felt.

"Please give me a chance to explain."

"I loved you and trusted you. I thought you cared for me but all you care about is yourself. I did not expect you to be so selfish, [F/N]. " Gouenji lashed out, his eyes still fixed on her. It seemed like tears of anger and hurt would roll down his eyes any moment but they didn't. He just shot her one last glare and then left quickly even though she did everything she could to make him stop and talk to her.

"This is what I was afraid of. This is why I didn't want to say anything. What have I done?" [F/N] said as a stream of tears fell from her eyes.

Tsuki rushed to her and hugged her. "It's all going to be ok." That was all she could say.