SPENCER REID IMAGINES

back to december

TYPE: ANGST
WARNINGS: NONE

A/N im so sorry i haven't updated

"I'm so glad you made time to see me. How's life? How's your mom?" I ask Spencer. It's been months since i've seen him. Since i've left him.

He looks up and faces me. We were sitting on a park bench. The one where we first met.

"I couldn't say no. I've been fine, life is usual, working, going to more drive in Russian films than usual though" he said slightly laughing. I used to go to the Russian films with him, I smile back at the memory. I don't speak Russian so he would translate it and whisper in my ear.

I laughed too and it felt very nostalgic laughing with him again but then I started to feel guilty.

I think about the last time I saw him. He gave me roses and I left them there to die. I was delusional. It happened often. I have a breakdown, I think I know what I want, I make a big decision, then I regret it.

"And how have you been?" he asks. "Oh um- I've been okay, you know the usual working" I simply reply. Well it's true. That's all i've been doing other than crying to my friends about how much I fucked up.

He nods and we sit there in an uncomfortable silence for a little bit.

Come on Y/n. Swallow your pride. Tell him you're sorry. Be honest with him.

"I'm sorry" I blurred out.

He looked up at me shocked, his brown eyes filled with hurt. A hurt I put in them. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Im sorry for that night. Id go back to December all the time. I thought I wanted freedom but turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December and make it all right again if I could."

He was speechless. He didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"I-It's okay" he finally spoke. "Things happen people break up"

"No, no it's not. These days I haven't been sleeping. I stay up replaying myself leaving. When your birthday passed and I didn't even call" I feel my stomach sink remembering the day of his birthday. I was thinking of calling him but I couldn't. I just had broken up with him and I didn't think he would've wanted to talk to me.

"Y/n/n seriously its not big deal" he said tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Spencer, I made a mistake" I let myself be vulnerable for once in my life. I don't like to talk about my feelings, Spencer knew that. I hope he knows that this is serious for me right now.

Tears slip out of my eyes. "And I think about summer all those beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passengers side. I realized I was in love with you in the fall"

Tears come from his eyes and he quickly wipes them.

"And then I just got scared. I got scared because I never do good in relationships. I let the one good thing I had go. You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye. Im sorry. I wish I could go back to December and make it all right again but I can't."

He hugs me. "Y/n you should've talked to me. I could've helped you we could've worked things out" he held my hand softly. "I know, I know I just" I paused. "I don't know how to let people in, Spencer. B-But I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile. You were so good to me, So right. And you held me in your arms the September night when I got into a fight w-with my mom. That was the first time you saw me cry."

"And I would do it again, people make mistakes. Id do anything for you Y/n"

I cried in his arms just like I had before just like I used too. It felt like I was finally home. "Maybe this is wishful thinking, but if we were to get back together Id love you right"

"Y/n...." he started.

"I love you but, you really hurt me I can't trust you"

I felt my heart break. I felt the pain he felt. Him saying he can't trust that I wouldn't do that again. It felt like the world had suddenly got colder. "I-I um I understand" I whisper. I collect my stuff and stand up.

"Goodbye Spencer"

I walk away. Not looking back. Suddenly I hear him calling my name. "Y/n!"

He ran up to me and kissed me. It felt so nice. So nice to have him in my arms again so nice that he's mine again. Everything was perfect. He finally pulled away. "I love you and i'm willing to work on forgiving you" he said holding my face. "I love you Spencer Reid"