Falling Up

22. Dissociation

"Kendra let me borrow this outfit," said Riley nervously as she looked down at her dress, rubbing the soft material between her fingers. "I thought it looked nice."

"It does," said Noah as he broke an egg into the fry pan. The sizzle of the hot oil hissed throughout the kitchen. "But that's the point. I don't want guys ogling my baby sister."

"So you're saying I can't look nice?"

"You looked nice enough in jeans and that grey top. I don't want guys drooling over you anymore than they already do."

Riley scoffed. As if. There were heaps of girls who were way prettier than her. She was more of a blend into the background type of girl.

She heard Noah sigh as he turned around to face her, leaning back on the kitchen counter with the spatula still in his hands. "You're more stunning than you think, Riley. I know you don't exactly have the self-confidence you should, but trust me when I say you're beautiful."

"Thanks Noah," she said, rolling her eyes in disbelief. Family had to say that sort of stuff, right?

"So tell me about the rest of your night," continued Noah, as he turned back around to flip the eggs.

Riley thought for a moment. This was going to be tough, but it was better to get it all out in the open. "Well..." she began, nervously fidgeting with the bottom of her dress. "I kind of ate a brownie."

Noah stopped, slowly turning off the flame to the gas stove, and turned around, forcing his lips together in a tight line. "You got stoned," he stated.

"And drunk," whispered Riley. But her whisper was loud enough for Noah to hear.

"You what?" he said, moving closer to her as he leaned his hands on the edge of the kitchen island. His eyes were ablaze, gazing at her as they darkened and narrowed.

"I'm sorry," blurted out Riley. "But after the brownie, I just didn't really think anymore."

"Why would you eat a brownie in the first place?" Noah said in a raised tone.

"I didn't know what it was," retorted Riley. "How was I supposed to know it was a pot brownie?"

"How the hell could you not know? Don't you watch movies, Riley?" Noah's anger was rising in his voice.

"Well no, I don't! I'm sorry I haven't caught up on all the things I should have done as a kid, but don't expect me to know things I have experienced before!" Riley was yelling as their heated discussion was turning into a full-blown argument.

They both paused, the statement hanging in the air as Noah's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing in sympathy. "I was just worried about you. Anything could have happened."

She rubbed her hand across her forehead, letting out a deep breath of frustration. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."

"I know you didn't. I'm sorry too for yelling," said Noah, coming around the kitchen counter to sit down next to Riley on the bar stool. "I just want you safe. It's all I want. But I am curious, though."

"About what?" asked Riley.

"You used to spend most of your time in your room back in our old house. What did you do all day if you didn't watch movies?"

Riley looked out over the kitchen counter and past the window to the sunlight filtering through into the kitchen. It created a shimmer of light across the bench top as she ran her fingers across it. "To be honest. I don't really know. My therapist called it dissociation, where I would just lose track of time. I was probably just staring at the wall most of the time."