Silent Cries (Niam)

Chapter 7

Niall Sat through math uncomfortably. He could feel Harry, Louis, and Liam watching him like some sort of animal in a cage. He didn't understand what he had done wrong. Well. He knew he had done many, many things wrong (in fact he hadn't really done anything right), but he didn't know why everyone was watching him with such an intensity. Unless Liam had told them about the cuts, which Niall would have noticed. No, everyone was under the impression that Niall and Liam had kissed. He didn't know how Liam and him has come up with the same lie, but it seemed to be working quite well. He had actually done something right for once in his life (if you forgot about the lying which Niall found hard to forget. But he always cut for lying, so there was no need to add to the list.).

Liam was watching Niall closely, trying to find out what the boy found so horrible about himself. He was absolutely adorable if you asked Liam. Blonde hair, styled perfectly. Beautiful blue eyes that you coyld see the ocean behind. Gentle facial features that still retained a goin g look despite the trouble shining through his ocean eyes. He was truly beautiful. Why couldn't Niall see that?

Louis was watching Niall, searching for any signs of inner turmoil. He wasn't sure what, but something had been off about the blonde boy lately-and perhaps longer than Louis was willing to admit.

Harry was watching Niall, trying to find out why Liam had chosen to kiss this boy in particular. Sure, the kid was good-looking, and Harry couldn't deny that he had a cool accent. But he was quiet, nit very outgoing. That wasn't the kind of personality Harry looked for in a guy, and he was trying to figure out if thay had been qhat drew Liam in. To each his own, Harry finally decided after plenty of deliberation. Because honestly, Harry would have much rather kissed the blonde boys friend, who seemed to have some real life in him. And while he understood that it was a personal decision, he couldn't believe Liam had chosen the blonde boy to kiss.

What Harry didnt know was that it was thoughts like that that caused Nialls depression. While thinking it did no harm, offhand remarks about how Louis was better looking, Louis was more fun to hang around, Louis was just overall better, pained Niall. He understood why others would put him down. He really did dim in comparison to Louis' light. But each time someone made a harmless remark, it hurt him, their words hurting even more than the blade he cut with. Because phycological pain, no matter how small, would always hurt a million times worse than the physical pain.

After the awkward math class of staring at Niall during which no one even pretended to have learned anything it was time for lunch. And while Harry wluld have found it awkward to invite the other boys to sit with him and Liam, Louis enthusiastically pulled him towards the table Niall and him sat at. Liam, not wanting to be left aline, rolled his eyes, but joined their table.

"We are now all best friends!" Louis exclaimed, tossing his home packed lunch down on the table. Only he could say something like that to strangers in such an incredibly awkward situation and expect it to be true. Because his best friends situation with Liam had drifted to the back of his mind in light of the fact that he was spending time with his longtime crush, the one and only Harry Styles.

Louis didn't know that this kind of thing hurt Niall almost as badly as the offhand comments. The constant pushing back of his problems in light of other development. It made Niall feel like anything about him was less important than anyone else and he shouldn't bother any one with his problems.

But the thing that made Niall hurt the worse happened again and again during lunch. It was when people tried to be modest. Louis and Harry kept complementing each other, and Harry would always turn away blushing and mumble something abiut it not being true. Every comment hurt Niall because he would never be as good as Harry. He would never be as thin, or as tall, or as pretty. And when Harry denied the compliments, it only made him feel worse, because if someone like Harry wasn't good enough, some one like Niall never would be.

Liam didn't include himself much in the conversation. He watched Niall eat, careful to see if the boy was okay. But the entire lunch, Niall looked sad. He looked so sad just sitting there and Liam felt the urge to pull the boy into a hug. But Liam didn't have Louis' unique talent of being able to pull a complete stranger into a hug without it being completely awkward. Perhaps it came with being gay.

After lunch, Harry walked off with Louis, leaving Niall and Liam alone. With a slight shrug, Liam offered Niall a hand. Niall brushed off the offer and stood up on his own. Liam found himself more offended than he should be by the gesture.

Liam tagged along behind Niall, not sure he should leave the boy alone After the scene he had walked in on in the bathroom. When the blonde boy stopped at his locker, he finally acknowledged Liam s presence.

"You don't have to follow me everywhere." Niall told Liam, grabbing his things from his locker before walking off. Liam followed again, obviously worrying about Niall. This was why Niall hadn't wanted anyone to know about his habit. They would all be like this, so concerned about him that they forgot to live their lives. And Niall knew that they didnt deserve that. He was not worth worrying over. In fact, it might be better if he was dead than if they found out. Less pain All around.

Bad Niall, Niall mentally reprimanded himself for his thoughts. He didn't want to be suicidal. No. He knew he deserved to die, and that it would make the world a better place, But suicide was not some thing he should be contemplating. For now, the cutting would suffice as punishment. Later, if he needed to die to punish himself fully, he could consider it.

"Niall?" Liam s voice was concerned, as thoigh he had been calling Nialls name quite a few times. Niall shook his head a bit to clear the thoughts.

"Sorry. Just have a bit on my mind." Niall never says he had a lot in his mind, because he never did. His thoughts always revolved around two things. His incompetency and his punishment for it. Unfortunately, Liam knew of Nialls punishment and that was the first thing he assumed would be on the blonde boys mind,

"Like what?" Liam pressed. He disnt want Niall thinking any negative thoughts, especially not abkut cutting. He probably would have freaked out if he knew Niall had been contemplating suicide. He hated how much Niall hated himself, and considered It his personal mission to fix the problem. Because Niall was truly beautiful and he deserved to know that.

"Just the future. Some things I need to resolve." Niall spun the perfect lie. Not really a lie, but it kept people from getting to the truth. Like a sign in a yard warning there was a dog when there was jist a tiny puppy. True, but not what was expected.

Liam looked at him skeptically. "If you say so." And they walked off to their next class.