Silent Cries (Niam)

Chapter 29

His hand was shaking, trembling as he held the tiny piece of metal over his skin. It took his a moment to relieve that his entire body was shaking, and his eyes were wet with tears.

You deserve this. Just do it.

Niall only started shaking harder, like a leaf trembling in the wind. He did deserve it. He knew he deserved it, but somehow he still couldn't bring himself to touch the blade against his wrist. Maybe he didn't want to let everyone down, or maybe it was Liam's name being scrawled across his forearm, reminding him that every time he hurt himself, he hurt Liam too. It had been weeks since he had started therapy, and marking his wrists was always the first thing Zayn made him do. But as the questions got harder, the answers rarely involved his friends, and seemed to revolve solely around Liam.

Whatever the reason, Niall just couldn't bring himself to push the blade down on his wrist, to slice the skin like he had done so many times before. He needed to do it, and he deserved the pain, but he realized that he didn't want to. He wanted to better, to be clean, to be normal, and the tiny blade slipped from between his fingers. Fumbling blindly, he reached in to his pocket, pulling out his phone and managing to keep his hand steady enough to dial Liam s number.

"Niall!" Liam answered almost instantly. "Is everything okay?"

Niall never called to just chat. He had made it very clear that he didn't enjoy speaking on the phone, and he would only ever text. The only time he had ever called Liam was an accident, and he had hung up immediately before texting an apology.

"Liam, I-I-" Niall choked on his words. "I was g-going t-to do it again."

"Niall, no, please don't do anything you'll regret, I'll be there in a minute baby."

Liam hated using his phone while driving, but he must have made an exception for Niall, because he didn't hang up.

"Are you okay Niall? What happened?"

Nialls breaths were as shaky as he was and his tears had turned into tiny, silent sobs. He needed a release. Why had he dropped his blade?

"Th-they told me I was a waste of space. A g-gay boy like me isn't worth the space he takes up. E-even my mom a-agrees." Niall could remember the moment clearly, how the boys had so it at him, had reminded him that no one cared and confirmed his worst fears that he was truely worthless. They had been insulting him for years, and he didn't know why it hit him so hard this time. His emotions were just so pent up from more than a month with out cutting. It was his only means of release, and without it, He was far too easy to break. If Liam hadn't been there to protect him, He didn't know what he would have done.

"Niall, they couldn't be more wrong. The space you're in should be honored to be taken up by someone as amazing and strong as you. And I'm sure you're mm agree d, she just needs some time to get used to things."

Niall knew deep down that Liam meant what he said. But he was still sitting on his bathroom floor, crying and trembling. One person's opinion didn't change anything and he still deserved to be in pain.

But then Liam started to sing. It was the same song he had sang to Niall on the car ride to the beach house and the same song he had hummed to him his first day of therapy. It was soothing, hearing Liam sing, and he began to stop trembling. And just as the song was coming to a close, the sound of Liam s voice got louder, and he appeared, pulling open the bathroom door. The first thing he did was pull Niall into his arms.

"It's going to be okay Niall." He assured him. Niall didn't know why such an empty promise calmed him down so much, but he felt safe in Liam s arms, and the shaking stopped.