Lost Memories: Broken

Chapter 1: Missing Link

'So tell me why did Severus switch sides? Oh yeah because of Lily. Ah yes sweet Lily. Filthy mudblood ... aren't I correct? How pathetic is it? He not only loves your best friend more but he loves you dead best friend more. Your just some pretty face to get his mind of her. You're pathetic. I know tons of men who'd like to get with you. Not out of love but lust. That's what Severus is doing. It isn't you. It was and always will be Lily Potter. Ask him to see his patronus will you? If you're so confident that he loves you ask him. Come on. Stupid girl.' A cold ruthless voice hissed.

'STOP!" I screamed.

'Lily Potter. Oh no ... Lily Snape.' The voice taunted laughing sadistically.

I shot up covered in sweat. Damn it. It had been so many nights I've had this voice taunt me. I hadn't gotten any sleep at all. I covered my face with my hands tying to even out my breath.

"Stacey?" Severus whispered as his hold on me tightened.

I turned to see him barely awake but still aware that I was stressed. I kissed his cheek and faked a smile.

"Go back to sleep my love." I whispered.

In moments he did. I hadn't told him about the dreams. I couldn't and wouldn't because there was no point. It was just my stupid insecurities right? I didn't want to go back to sleep and I fought my craving for a smoke right now. To my good luck Andrew began crying - a reason for me to walk around without being suspected. I slid off the bed and picked up Andrew rocking him back and forth humming softly. Andrew fell asleep quickly and I placed him back I his crib. I stood near his crib and I saw my bag in the corner of the room. A quick smoke. That's all. I tip toed over and smoked quickly. As I stood outside I heard something behind me. I turned to look but didn't see anything. I got worried that it could have been Severus so I threw the cigarette over and said my spell before going back to our room. To my relief Severus was still sleeping. I crawled back into bed and slept facing him. This would be another sleepless night.

I woke up the next morning and saw it was 11. Odd. I'd never sleep that late. I shrugged it off and made my way to the kitchen after freshening up. But before I went down I went to my bag to see how many cigarettes I had left. I rummaged through my bag but to my horror I couldn't find it. I ran down stairs trying to act casual. I wished Andrew in the living room before going to the kitchen and grabbing an apple. Severus wasn't there. I just stared out the window tapping my fingers nervously on the counter.

"Morning," Severus wished me coming in the kitchen.

"Morning. Why did you let me sleep in so late?" I asked kissing him.

"Oh you were awake last night for a while so I let you." He said casually.

"Thanks," I said biting into my apple. The tapping of my finger picked up because of nerves and cravings.

"Nervous?" Severus asked watching me rapidly tapping my fingers.

"Hm? Nope, I am good."

"Then maybe you could explain why you were smoking last night and why I found this in your bag." Severus said angrily pulling my cigarette pack out of his pocket.

Shit.

"It's no big deal. It's not like I'm addicted." I said acting calm.

"Really? Why do you go in the balcony for a while every night faithfully? I figured something was up, I'd just never thought that you were smoking." Severus yelled coming to me. I backed up hitting the counter.

"It's fine. I'm fine,"

"I'm worried about you. You seem so fragile these couple of months. How many times do you smoke a day?"