Lost Memories: Broken

Chapter 4: Fight For Me

I woke up and stretched my arms. I didn't get nightmares that night so I had a very peaceful sleep. I turned around to see Severus still sleeping. I glanced up and saw the time. It was 3 in the afternoon. Considering last night's adventures it was fine we slept through the whole day. I realized that I was still in last night's clothes along with Severus. So I decided to get dressed and shower before he got up, so I did. When I came out all dressed and refreshed I saw him still sleeping. I lay down beside him again and watched him peacefully sleep. He was so amazing. After a while of me lofting Severus began to wake up. I played with his hair as he began to open his eyes.

"Good afternoon my love," I said softly brushing my lips over his.

"Afternoon? What time is it?" Severus asked in his 'morning' voice which I simply adored.

"It's four,"

Severus was wide awake now. He never slept past nine so four was quite a big jump.

"How long have you been awake?" Severus asked me as he put his arms around me.

"Just an hour. Go freshen up and then we can go downstairs together for some .... well not breakfast. Never mind. We will just go get something to eat." I replied stroking his chest.

Severus nodded and kissed my forehead before leaving. He was quick as always and came out in no time. As he was gone I made the bed and waited for him patiently. When he came out he took my hand and we walked into the kitchen. When we reached I forgot about the whole knife incident. It was still on the floor. I was going to sneak it away but Severus already saw it.

"I never left a knife on the floor. Stace why is that there?" Severus asked.

He knew the only time the knife could have gotten there was last night after he left. I bent to pick it up but when I did I had a flashback of what happened last night and dropped it as I gasped. I remained bent in front of it. How was I going to tell Severus I nearly killed myself last night. My hands began to tremble at the memories. I bent against the cabinets behind me and sat on the floor staring at the knife.

"Stacey what happened last night after I left?" Severus asked slowly still frozen in his spot.

"I - I don't know how to say it," I told him scared.

He walked in front of me and knelt down facing me.

"I can't help you if I don't know." Severus said.

I took a deep breath and explained,

"After you left I went to sleep and had one if my dreams. You left me for another women. Someone dead ... It was ..."

"Lily?" He completed and I nodded.

Severus sat closer holding my hands.

"I - I was shattered and you told me to go cry to Sirius. When I ran away I bumped into something. It was Sirius' tombstone. God it felt so real. The voice told me that it made no sense - the you couldn't be with Lily since she is dead. The voice told me to turn around and - and I ... Saw your tombstone!" I cried.

Severus knew there was more and it would only get worse. So he helped me up to my feet and took me to the couch. I sat beside him and he wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest.

"Severus - the voice told me how to make the pain stop. He handed me a knife," I said looking at him, "He told me to kill myself. I fought and managed to wake up but when I did I found myself on the kitchen floor with a knife pressed to my stomach. Severus if I kept dreaming I would have killed myself unintentionally."

I thought Severus was going to cry at this point. He pulled me onto his lap and held me close to his trembling body. I buried my face in his neck and wrapped my arms around him.