Going Solo

three

MARCH - FOUR MONTHS OLD.

'Is this the first time you've been out without the babies?' Dallas asks glancing at Demi who nods her head as they make their way into Target.

'People have offered to have them while I went out and it's not that I don't trust anyone but I've just not felt ready to leave them.' Demi replies.

'What makes you feel ready now?' Madison asks.

'Honestly? I don't feel ready. In fact I wasn't sure I was going to until the moment the car pulled out the driveway and even now part of me wants to say lets go home. I don't know if I'd ever feel properly ready to leave them but they're also four months old, they need to get used to being with other people.' Demi admits.

'I can't believe how big they've gotten since we were last out here... Crazy to think that they're four months old already. Have they been sleeping any better?' Dallas asks.

'They were sleeping better. Both of them had started going for longer stretches between feeds but Theo has started teething so he is waking up during the night which then wakes Lottie up which isn't great.' Demi replies.

'Are you managing to get some sleep when they sleep though?' Madison asks.

'At night yeah definitely but it's harder during the day because I want to get things done, I need to get things done during the day. Last week Matthew stayed overnight with me so he done most of the night feeds which meant I got a good six hours stretch I think.' Demi replies.

'I can do some night feeds while we're here as well.' Dallas offers causing Demi to smile.

'Thank you.' Demi replies.

'Do you ever- I don't know how to word this without it sounding offensive and I obviously don't mean it in a way of do you regret the babies but do you ever wish you had someone at home? A partner, someone to help out when it's late at night and you are tired?' Dallas asks and Demi sighs.

'Would it make my life so much easier if there was someone else there at 3am when they're both screaming cause they're hungry and need changed, of course it would. Would it be easier to be able to hand them off to someone when I'm tired and just want a nice bath, definitely. I wouldn't change my situation for the world though.' Demi admits.

****

'What are you watching?' Madison asks as she climbs into bed beside Demi who has Theo curled up on her chest.

'Silver Linings Playbook... If you're staying do you fancy taking little Mr so that I can feed little Miss?' Demi asks and Madison nods her head.

'Of course I can. Always happy to snuggle my favourite niece and nephew.' Madison replies.

'They're your only niece and nephew.' Demi says laughing.

'Are you glad you did it this way? I know you said earlier that sometimes you wish you had someone else at home.' Madison asks softly as she takes Theo into her arms and watches Demi lift Lottie into her arms to give her a bottle.

'What way?' Demi asks.

'On your own... Not waiting until you meet 'the one' before starting a family.' Madison replies and Demi glances down at Lottie in her arms.

'Like mostly everyone else I would to have your proper little family but am I glad that I took the step to bring these two little ones into the world when I did? Absolutely. I don't when or if I'm going meet my forever person but what I do know is that I wanted to be a mom and I can offer them everything they need without someone else.' Demi says.

'Do you think it will be harder to meet someone now that you have kids?' Madison asks and Demi shrugs her shoulders.

'I don't know and honestly? I don't know if I really care anymore. I spent so long looking for someone to love me, for someone to spend forever with and look how that turned out. I'm okay on my own.' Demi replies.

JUNE - SEVEN MONTHS OLD.

'Is that you started buying bigger sizes to put away for them?' Sirah asks as she watches Demi place some clothing in her basket.

'Call me crazy but I've started buying for their birthday and Christmas.' Demi replies causing Sirah to smile.

'Well their birthday is only five months away, I guess.' Sirah says.

'I know. I just can't believe how big they're getting. I remember people used to say to me oh time goes so quickly when you have kids and I always thought it was a load of rubbish because having a kid doesn't suddenly speed up time but it really does go so quickly. I feel like it was only yesterday they were born and now look at them.' Demi replies shaking her head.

'They've changed so much, haven't they? It's hard to believe they were ever so tiny.' Sirah says and Demi smiles.

'Mmm... Now Theo is doing that commando type crawl which is just the funniest thing ever. Lottie is sitting up on her own now and I just- Sometimes I look at them and wonder where my little snuggly newborns went.' Demi replies.

'What are you planning for their birthday? Are you going to have a party?' Sirah asks.

'I think so. I don't think I'll have anything huge but I'll definitely have something. I was thinking next year we could do a proper Disney trip? Maybe book a hotel and things?' Demi suggests and Sirah nods her head.

'Sounds good to me. We could try get a holiday in with them next year as well, if you're feeling ready to fly.' Sirah says and Demi nods her head.

'Definitely. Just depends if you want to go on holiday with two toddlers.' Demi replies causing Sirah to smile.

'Wouldn't want it any other way.' Sirah replies.

OCTOBER - ELEVEN MONTHS OLD.

'What are you up to?' Matthew asks as Demi sits on the sofa with Lottie fast asleep against her chest and her laptop balancing on the edge of her knees.

'I'm trying to order the balloons for their party.' Demi replies.

'Do you want me to take her? I've got Theo down in his crib.' Matthew says and Demi shakes her head.

'She'll only start screaming if you move her... I don't think she's feeling very well.' Demi replies.

'Are you looking forward to their party?' Matthew asks and Demi nods her head.

'It'll be nice to have everyone here to celebrate them. I mean, I still feel like they should be my tiny babies and it's been a few months since Dallas got to see them so she'll see a big change.' Demi replies.

'When was the last time she was over?' Matthew asks.

'My birthday so a few months ago.' Demi replies and Matthew nods his head.

'Oh she really will see a change, won't she?' Matthew says smiling.