Note: Apologies that this is a bit of a shorter chapter. The next one should be a bit longer.
AUGUST
He quietly makes his way into the bedroom and sighs as he sees Demi curled up on her side in bed. Making his way over to the bed, he sits down on the edge and gently runs his hand down her arm.
'Hey... Sirah has taken the kids to the bear shop or something.' He says softly as she sighs.
'I'm sorry. I know I need to pull myself together and be the mom they deserve.' She almost whispers and he shakes his head.
'No, you have nothing to apologise for and you are most definitely the mom they deserve. You just lost a baby, Demi. You had a second trimester loss and now you just need to recover. Trust me, they are absolutely loving being spoilt by their Auntie Sirah and Uncle Matthew.' He says.
'I just- I don't want this to impact their childhood. I want them to remember a mommy who had fun and not one who lay in bed all the time.' She replies.
'They are most definitely going to remember you as a mom who had fun with them. You lost a baby less than a week ago, Demi. You have gone through a traumatic experience that no one wants to go through. No one expects you to be up and about, okay. Just take it easy and let us deal with the kids for a little longer.' He says gently wiping a tear from her cheek.
'Do you need anything?' He asks and she shakes her head.
'I'm okay, thank you.' She replies quietly.
'You are so loved, Demi. Everyone is here for you, everyone just wants to support you.' He says.
'It just feels so wrong that she isn't recognized. That no one except my family and yous know she exists. How is that fair? I felt her move. I had to give birth to her tiny body and now it's like she didn't exist.' Demi almost whispers, her hand subconsciously moving to rest on the smalk bump which is the only remaining evidence that her baby was ever there.
'She did exist. She does exist and we will always remember her. She is always gonna be part of our little family. We will celebrate her birthday every year and we will all make sure Lottie and Theo know all about their little sister who was too beautiful for this earth.' He says.
****
OCTOBER
'How are you nearly two whole years old?' Demi says smiling as she finishes braiding Lottie's hair.
'They're getting so grown up, aren't they? I can't believe it's been nearly two years since they were born.' Dianna says as she makes her way into the room with Theo balanced on her hip.
'Mmm... It's gone by far too quickly for my liking... I think after their birthday I'm going to do up their room and get them proper beds.' Demi replies lifting Lottie into her arms and kissing the top of the little girl's head.
'That'll be good, although you'll probably get woke up multiple times a night with them both until they settle.' Dianna says as Demi places Lottie in her crib and tucks her in.
'Mmm... It needs to happen at some point, why not now.' Demi replies shrugging her shoulders. She leans down and once again kisses the top of Lottie's head before taking Theo into her arms and repeating it all with him.
'Night night babies... Sleep tight.' Demi says softly before quietly making her way out of the room followed by Dianna.
****
'So how are you doing? I mean really doing, don't tell me you're fine if you're not.' Dianna says as Demi sits down opposite her and sighs.
'Honestly? I'm getting there. I still have days where it's really fucking hard and where I wonder what life would've been like if I was still pregnant but I am doing a lot better than I was.' Demi admits shrugging her shoulders.
'And that's okay. You don't need to be okay right now. You are allowed to grieve for that little girl, for that little life that should've been for as long as you need to, okay? This isn't something you need to rush.' Dianna says.
'It's strange because I had been going back and forth over where or not to actually do the transfer and I had kind of set myself up for the disappointment of it not working so when the tests came back positive I was so shocked... I don't know if it all hit harder because it was my last embryo, it was my last chance.' Demi replies sighing.
'And don't get me wrong I am so lucky and so grateful to have Lottie and Theo but I do wonder what life would've been like with their little sister here as well.' Demi adds.
'You are allowed to be grateful for the children you do have and grieve the ones you've lost... Is there no way you can attempt again? Would your donor not give you another donation to create more embryos?' Dianna asks.
'He would. He's always said that he'd do it as many times as I needed but I don't know if I want to go through the whole process of egg retrival then the waiting to find out how many have made it to freezing... I just don't know.' Demi admits.
****
FEBRUARY
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ddlovato: 'Your heart stopped but my love for you did not.' February, the month I should have been welcoming my third child into the world, the month my babies should have been meeting their baby sister for the first time but instead we have our own little angel watching over us. My heart aches every day at the thought of the little one who should have been. Until we meet again, little lady 🤍
