The Smiling Chessman - Falling into your smile

Too much love will kill you

Title from another Queen song that goes "I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be,Too many bitter tears are raining down on me,I'm far away from home,And I've been facing this alone for much too long, oh"

Tang Yao was en route to her brother's boarding school which was a couple of hours away. She was grateful for the silence from her traveling companions, yet felt comforted by their support. Both the Lu brothers insisted on accompanying her and for the first time she wondered if this was what having a family meant. So far, they had not asked her any questions or demanded explanations. Lu Sicheng had simply said, "We all have family issues" and that was that.

She spoke softly. "Little T was a very quiet toddler". Lu Sicheng's palms gripped the steering wheel tighter while Lu Yiu sat up straighter. Neither brother interrupted her as she continued. "I adored him growing up. I always wanted a brother and now I had one. When he was 5, he was diagnosed with developmental delays. He couldn't read or write like kids his age. My parents were well off, so they took him to the best doctors and therapists. This meant long hours at the hospital or trips to bigger cities and hospitals. I wanted to help, so I tried my best to be independent. I packed my own lunch, stayed home by myself and focused on the only thing I could control - my schooling. My parents spent much of their time and money on T, fussing over every little thing about him. It was not intentional, but they almost forgot about me. He got better, more normal after a few years, but I think he missed the attention he used to get. So, he started acting out, by picking fights, neglecting his school work and troubling his teachers. They became stricter with him, dropping him off to school, filling his time with tutors to regain some semblance of control over him."

" I was the youngest person to graduate high school in the province with a full scholarship to attend university , but all my  parents could focus on was that Little T finally passed all his exams that year. In a fit of rage, I accepted the foreign exchange program and went away to Maryland for three years. I didn't talk or text much with my parents for the first year. When I didn't return home for the summer, they finally realized how bad things were for me. They started making more of an effort, apologized many times and tried to make things right. For the first time in my life, my parents paid so much attention to my life. Little T didn't like sharing attention or the rules they imposed on him. So he got better at finding ways around it, associating with unsavory characters and even getting involved with some girl. I ...I feel guilty. If only I had not been selfish...God knows where he is now", tears started rolling down her eyes. Lu Sicheng pulled over to the side of the road, got out of the car. He climbed into the rear seat with her as her body shook with sobs. He exchanged a glance with Lu Yiu who took over the wheel.

Lu Sicheng held her tight and whispered in her ear, " You are not selfish. In fact, you are the least selfish person I know. I have never met someone so fiercely independent, that they are not even willing to let some pay for their meal. A child wanting their parents' attention is normal, you were deprived of it for so long. I have no right to judge your parents, but you deserve love, attention and the security of family. Your brother's choices are a product of his upbringing and association. You cannot blame yourself for it, I'm sure your parents don't either. Look, don't assume the worst yet and jump to conclusions. You are not alone. You can trust me, lean on me for once, you don't have to take care of everything by yourself."

She reluctantly nodded, seeing his wet T-shirt added embarrassed, " Sorry, I blubbered all over you". Lu Sicheng just held her and said, " Don't even think about saying sorry. What good am I, if I'm only with you for the good times? I love you Tang Yao. That means, you don't have to be brave or strong all the time. You can cry as much as you want to. Weren't you the one who told me not to bottle everything up?"

Lu Yiu found himself contemplating his life choices seeing Tang Yao's pain. He was nowhere as bad as Little T, but he had engaged in a fair share of bratty behavior causing his family much grief. He cleared his throat and said " We are here"

As they arrived at the gate, they saw Little T casually strolling in, dressed in ripped black jeans, half open white shirt, black kohl around his eyes. Tang Yao was dumbstruck and furious. It clearly looked like he was returning from some all night theme party.