The Science of Growing Apart

16- Jokes

Deep down, I knew that I was going to go to the banquet dinner. I put on a whole show of being indecisive just to make myself feel better. I reminded myself of how risky it was to allow Casey back into my life as I put on my makeup. I tried to relive the pain I went through when he disappeared the first time as I was slipping into the deep red satin gown I kept in the back of my closet from a journalism event I went to last year.

I pretended like he hasn't already sunk his claws deep in my skin. Like I ever had a choice. He had a grip on me since high school and it loosened while he was away, but it was as tight as ever now that he was back. I wasn't careful enough and now I was a goner. All I could do was hope that history didn't repeat itself.

At the event center, I was the last to arrive at the table. Eleanor, Micah, Casey, and Rebecca were all already sitting when I arrived.

"You look incredible, Josie," Eleanor gushed, being the first one to see me coming.

Casey, facing the opposite direction, was standing to his feet before he was even turned around to see me. "You came," he stated the obvious, his eyes wide as if he really couldn't believe that I showed up.

I handed him a piece of paper with all of my joke ideas on it. "There is a lot of material there for you to choose from."

He laughed, taking the paper from me as he glanced down at my scribbled handwriting. "You were serious."

"You better deliver," I said before taking my seat between Rebecca and Micah. A waiter was immediately nearby to pour fresh ice water into my glass.

"What's that?" Rebecca asked from beside me, trying to peer over Casey to read the paper. He hurried to hide it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket to keep it from view, which was disappointing because they were some good jokes and I felt like they should be shared with the table.

"Just some notes. Josie was helping me with the speech," he explained to her quickly, flicking his eyes up to meet mine. "Did you find parking okay?"

"It was fine," I answered him easily. I felt some tension in Rebecca, probably upset that she didn't get to read the notes, so I tried to ease that by saying, "You look amazing, Rebecca. I love your dress." It was just a long black dress with spaghetti straps, but she pulled it off nicely. It was classy, just like her.

"Thank you," she responded without even looking at me, and left the conversation at that. She was either a fairly standoffish person, or she didn't like me very much. I didn't like not being liked, but I didn't even know why she didn't like me, so I didn't know how to fix it.

"So, what exactly is this award for? The importance on something and pathogenesis in Candida something?" I asked Casey, easily moving on from Rebecca's short response. I've been dealing with Kim's similar personality for two years and I've learned how to navigate it well.

"You don't want to get him started," Rebecca stopped Casey from answering, affectionately putting one delicately manicured hand on his shoulder. With a teasing laugh, she added, "Once he gets going, he won't stop."

I knew exactly what she meant, but I never tried to stop him. He would go on these long tirades about photosynthesis or chlorophyll or some other biology process that I only barely could understand. Those were my favorite conversations to have with him, because I could watch his eyes light up with this energetic glow as his words spewed out a thousand per minute. It was a beautiful thing to see and I used to listen to him talk for hours, only asking questions every once in a while when I really felt lost. Watching his eyes shine like that was probably one of the first things that made me fall in love with him.

So I guess it was probably for the best that I don't see it in action now. I don't know if it would bring back old feelings or not, and I'm not willing to risk it.