Hi Josie,
I know we haven't talked in a while, but Ellie told me you RSVP'd to the wedding and I devised this whole plan where I'm going to write this very articulate letter about my feelings and I'll give it to you during the reception. I've wanted to reach out for a long time. I don't know what's stopping me from just picking up the phone, but every time I try, I chicken out. So I'm writing this letter and I'm going to spill my soul onto this piece of paper and force myself to give it to you, and then I'll probably run very far away.
Every time I think about how much I miss you, it hurts to the bone. It feels like a part of me is missing, like everything has been off kilter for two years. Every time anything happens in my life, I still feel like I need to tell you about it. It sucks that we aren't close anymore and I would really like to fix that, because I know this entire mess is completely my fault.
I guess I should start by saying that I just lied in that first paragraph. I do know what's stopping me from reaching out and it's guilt, because every time I think about how I basically just vanished from your life, the guilt slices me in half. I've been a coward, but I'm ready to own up to how I must have hurt you. I've been selfish, and I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to write this letter. Hopefully, I can explain things better here and help you understand what happened. I don't know if you'll be able to forgive me and I understand if you don't, but you at least deserve an explanation.
Let me start at the beginning by saying that the second I met you, I thought you were one of the most amazing people on the planet. I've been in love with you from day one. Like, IN LOVE with you, Josie. I don't even know how to explain it more than that, there are no words for how utterly obsessed I was with you in high school.
The first night we met, we spent the night at the apartment and I remember hearing you wake up from a nightmare and I'd never felt such a gut wrenching desire to make somebody feel okay. I could see your pieces falling apart and all I wanted to do was hug them back together and it broke me, knowing that I couldn't.
You are such a delicately unique human being, Josie
I know you are so out of my league that it's ridiculous, but I need to tell you because I am still so in love with you.
I've loved you so much that it was all consuming and when I went away to school, you were all I could think about. I didn't mean to end our friendship completely, I was just trying to create some space so that I could focus on school. Talking to you started to hurt, because I missed you so much and I wanted you in a way that I thought I could never actually have you, so I needed some space and then one day, I just looked up and I hadn't responded in months, and I was too embarrassed to reach out after that. I wish I could go back in time and punch myself in the face for being so stupid.
I was trying to run from the feelings I had for you and in turn, I ran from you. I wish I would have told you all of this before we graduated, but I just didn't want to ruin our friendship and look where we are now. I ruined our friendship anyway.
Not seeing you or hearing your voice for two years has been excruciating and even if you don't feel the same way about me, which you probably don't and that's totally okay, I would really like to go back to how things used to be. I'll never mention being hopelessly in love with you ever again if it means I can have you back as my best friend. I just need you in my life, Josie, and I'm so incredibly sorry that I let my feelings for you ruin the amazing thing we had.
I need your laugh, I need your smile. I need the way you touch my hair when you think I'm sleeping. I need to hear you tell me that I can do this, because Harvard is hard (believe it or not) and I'm so bad at making friends and it's lonely. I just... I need you.
I'll call you in a couple of days and hopefully we can talk? Love you always, Josie.
Sincerely,
Casey
A/N: I know this is really short, I'll post another update on Wednesday to make up for it!
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The Science of Growing Apart
RomanceA Love Child Sequel Josie and Casey met when they were fourteen and immediately became best friends. Nobody could make Josie laugh like Casey could. Nobody understood her the way he did. They were both sure that their friendship was special and they...
