The Science of Growing Apart

34- Knock

Quick and eager, I rushed to my front door to open it. The second it was open enough to see Casey standing there, he was inviting himself in, passing the threshold until we were inches away from each other. There was no hesitation before he swiftly ducked his head down and pressed his lips to mine.

For a moment, I was stunned but then in the next, I was melting into him. Casey stepped forward, causing me to walk back until he could kick the door shut and then my back was pressed against the wall. It felt like my heart had disappeared from my body, beating so fast that it was numbing my entire chest.

His lips were softer than I thought they'd be, and warmer. His grip on the back of my head, curled into my auburn hair, was firmer than I'd expected. He smelled more like mint when he usually smelled like pine from further away. His hips in between my hands felt firm and I could feel his heart beating loudly against mine.

For just a second, we paused like that, our lips pressed together for the very first time after we'd both wanted it for so long. We took it all in, every detail, comparing it to how we thought it would be and I was hoping he was coming to the same conclusion as me: Nothing could be better than this. Not even in my wildest dreams.

And then, it got better.

He slowly parted my lips with his own, timid as if asking for permission. When I granted it by slipping my tongue between my lips to touch his, he eagerly accepted the invitation to deepen the kiss. I gasped into his open mouth, feeling his tongue against mine, his teeth on my lip, his hand tightening its grip in my hair.

I was dizzy, struggling to keep up with the pace he was going but I loved it. I used the grip on his hips to pull him closer to me until our entire bodies were pressed against each other from thigh to shoulder to lips. Casey was a lot more commanding in this kiss than I had ever thought he'd be.

The way he gripped my hair in his fist, pinning me against the wall, his tongue conducting our kiss like a fine tuned orchestra. He was subtly demanding control of the kiss and the juxtaposition to how timid and soft he was usually, was driving me absolutely insane. It was the same jolt of electricity I felt through my entire body when he gripped my wrists in an unmoving hold on the couch after his breakup, that sort of subtle forcefulness that I would never guess Casey to be capable of.

The hand not holding my hair started to venture up my shirt until it was resting on my bare waist, squeezing the skin there as if to make sure I was real. I took that as permission to do the same to him and started to sneak my hands under his shirt, letting out a sigh in the very back of my throat when I felt his hard body under my palms and his rapid breathing.

I wanted more than a kiss. I felt like I needed it at this point. Like I'd die right at his feet if he didn't devour me this instant. I wanted him to rip off my clothes like a caveman and bend me over the couch, or maybe the kitchen counter. I couldn't make it back to the bedroom, but I wanted him so badly. I'd never wanted anybody more in that moment.

When his lips parted from mine, I wanted them to move to my neck and then down to my cleavage, but instead he moved his hand to the back of my neck, his grip gentle now, and rested his forehead against mine. We were both panting from the kiss and I was still dizzy, my mind not thinking clearly at all.

"The best thing," he muttered under his breath.

"You can stay if you want," I encouraged him, my hands still resting desperately on his body because I didn't want this to end here.

"I want to," he said, pressing his lips to mine very gently before he pulled back and moved some chaotic stray hairs from around my eyes so that he could look into them. His eyes are still dark and narrow, a little wet smile playing on his swollen lips. "But we both have to be at work in ten hours."

"So?"

His smile widened, his eyes got even darker, and that buzzing in the bottom of my belly got even louder, screaming at me now. "So I'm going to need more than ten hours, Josie."

I probably would have collapsed onto the hardwood if he wasn't still pinning me to the wall. My body wanted to beg him to stay, to promise that I'll lock us in this apartment for as long as he needs, until he's satisfied. But that would sound so desperate and yes, I was desperate, but I could still take no for an answer.

I tried catching my breath a little bit before I said, "Well, I'll see you Saturday." My voice was still shaky and strangled, sounding like this was the first time I'd spoken words in years.

He could tell I was turning into putty in his hands and if I wasn't so preoccupied with feeling him on me and reeling from how good that kiss was, maybe I would have been embarrassed by it. There was no capacity in my brain for embarrassment though, all I could think about was Casey and his lips and his body.

I dropped my hands from his abdomen and he slowly stepped away from me. "See you Saturday."

"Text me when you get home?"

Casey leaned forward and kissed my forehead. A gesture that I was sure to be meant as a lighthearted goodbye for the night, but ended up adding fuel to the fire inside of me. Any little touch would do the trick for me in that moment. "I will," he assured me as he started backing away toward the door again.

I stayed leaning against the wall as I watched him leave, feeling like I needed the wall's support to keep me upright. After the door shut between us, I remained there on the wall for a solid ten minutes before I was able to stand and walk the couple of feet to the door and lock it before going into my bedroom with a red face and a tousled sweater, feeling so stupid for ever thinking that kiss would be anything less than what it was.

As I was getting ready for bed and preparing to wash my face, I opened my phone to check my emails one last time for the night and immediately, the hazy cloud nine feeling I'd been floating on had suddenly dropped me back down to earth and my stomach started twisting in unbearable knots.

Because at the top of my work email's inbox, there was an unopened email from the office of Senator Jay Barkley.