I'm A Loser

Chapter 14.

Beginning my relationship with Stuart was unlike any kind of relationship I have ever had. He was such a gentlemen. He opened doors for me, held my hand anytime we could, and of course, kept me satisfied in and out of the bedroom. Although everyone seemed surprised when I mentioned Stu was funny and very talkative. He helped me apply at the Art college but I had to wait until the new courses began. Until then we agreed I'd be working at the diner. Dad was estatic knowing Stuart was helping me try to become someone in this dreary little world. He approved of our relationship and let me stay out past my curfew. This resulted in us watching the guys perform, going back to his place, or just having drinks. I knew this was the life I always wanted. The Rock and Roll life. This time it was fun, not miserable.

I did often get jealous when I would notice girls at the clubs trying to flirt and get Stu's attention. He'd make small talk but then always stayed beside me. This assured me he was loyal. Unlike John, who went off out on his girlfriend now and then.

Cynthia was stable, quiet, completely opposite person than John. She went with him now and then to his gigs but spent most of her time trying to keep up with her studies. She went to the same art college. I knew they went out during the day or other times. But the only time I saw her was at the clubs. She was always good for a talk. I met her one night when John mentioned to Stu we should sit at a table together. She told me it was John's humour, charm and carelessness that she found attractive. We got along quite well, but I couldn't help feeling guilty, knowing I slept with John. Of course she had no clue, I was hoping to keep it that way. John also wanted to keep things quiet. He pulled me aside one evening and asked me not to mention our few nights together. I of course agreed, and nothing more was ever said again.

Tiffany eventually showed after having a week of the flu. She was still as crazy as ever and was excited when she found out Stu and I were an item. Dad was happy knowing I made a female friend. Often enjoying her company and loving the fact she was interested in his work. I always felt left out when the two would sit at the kitchen table and talk for hours. To my luck, Sarah was always open for talk. We often went out to museums, sometimes bringing Stu along. Or we went out for lunch, shopping. We would sit in the living room and she would give me some of her notes from her college days to help me get ahead for when I start my classes.

It was no surprise when she broke the news to me one day out while shopping that her and dad began a relationship. By then, I wasn't angry or bitter. I accepted it. She made dad happy, she was sweet to me and wasn't at all stuck up or mean. I appreciated the fact she didn't pressure me into calling her mom or thinking of her as a mother figure. Just as a friend.

Being with Stu took up a lot of my time. We spent lots of time together which often had me neglecting the other guys. George especially. I still wrote in my journal and gave it to Missus Harrison to give to Geo. When I got it back, I would often get a message saying, I miss you. We saw each other at gigs and caught up now and then. But I missed my little friend. And I knew he missed me. But we understood our lives were taking different routes at the moment.

It was the beginning of December now and John and Cyn seemed to be a bit on the rocks. The two were arguing as John complained about her spending too much time with her studies and not with him. This was always an ongoing issue with the two and resulted in him spending time at Stu's and often barging into us having sex.
...

December 12, 1958

It was Friday morning. Stu and I were excited to have the day off. So we planned a day together full of boyfriend girlfriend things that would probably bore the hell out of the others. Record shopping, the cinema, eating, art, and then back here to spend the evening.

He picked me up at mine and brought me back to his around nine thirty in the morning. I was laying on his 'bed' watching television as he talked on the phone, making arrangements about his next art show. I was happy knowing his work was getting more recognition. It made him happy just sitting on his stool and painting the evenings away. Unlike John, he didn't goof around or put things on hold. He got things done when they were supposed to. This even meant putting time off with me. I honestly didn't mind it knowing he was doing art rather than being off with another girl behind my back. We were happy this way.