Vampire and Prejudice

Chapter 23 - Darcy

I had poured out my heart and eagerly waited for the answer. And waited. And waited. And waited.

I probably had picked a bad time. Elizabeth was not feeling well, which was the cause for her missing dinner at Rosings. I must have alarmed her too much in her condition. Did she have a fever? Did she comprehend a single thing I had said? Why had they not called for a doctor if she was feeling so poorly?

Of course, her ill health was what made me run to the Parsonage in the first place. Fitzwilliam was correct—I had already decided what I wanted to do, and I was just stalling the inevitable. There was no future that I could be comfortable with, which did not include Elizabeth by my side. My forevers would be a misery without her, and there was only one sure way to make her mine.

My Elizabeth. Mine forever.

She swallowed and spoke, "I believe it is the established mode to express gratitude for the sentiments avowed, and if I could feel gratitude, I would thank you. But I cannot. I never desired the admiration that you have bestowed so unwillingly, and now feel that I must reject it without much pain on my part."

Could words kill? There was nothing about her tone or manner that indicated that she was not in earnest, and I failed to uncover what I could have done to warrant this response. With a few choice words, she had utterly destroyed me, and it was my turn to fight to find the words and put them into any semblance of order. If one has died, you see, it presents some difficulty.

"Might I inquire as to the reason for this rejection?" My voice did not sound like my own. There was a great divide between the person who I had been just minutes before and who I had become.

"And might I enquire why you chose to tell me that the attachment would be a grave degradation to your person, if your wish was to be accepted? But it is of small importance. I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. From the beginning of my acquaintance with you, your arrogance, disdainful manners, and inconsideration for the feelings of others had founded the groundwork of an immovable dislike. Upon observing your behavior to the people around you—friends and strangers—I could not help but hate you. When I found out the depth of your depravity through the reports of your actions, I could not do anything but loathe you."

No no no no! I meant, despite—DESPITE—the degradation, I was happy to have her for all of my days. Elizabeth was too sensible not to realize that there would be obstacles to our union and it would be disrespectful to her to pretend otherwise. But apparently I had bigger problems than my choice of words for expressing my feelings—there were damning reports. Not surprising. I was a vampire, and people were eager to slander me because of that. Not even the royal family was free of vile speculation.

Terrible, of course, that Elizabeth cared to listen to such things, but I had to allow some leniency: she was young and inexperienced and likely knew next to nothing about vampires. I could prove my innocence in all accusations through witness accounts. As a vampire, I was regularly monitored and had to account for my days. Not a single drop of blood could go missing, not a single whisper of accusation could go without investigation.

"If people have spoken against me, I would hear those allegations to clear my name."

Elizabeth looked at me with a steady, cold look that, according to her, was loathing. My Elizabeth loathed me. But what was a lady to do? I was represented in the worst light possible, and no amount of professing love and adoration would do until those charges were cleared.

"You have been accused of cruelty and acting against the people of Pemberley in the bloodthirsty capacity of a vampire," she said.

"I deny it." I had the distinct feeling that my doctor and attorney should be present for this conversation, but we did not even have a chaperone. Too late to request Mrs. Collins' presence now. "The rumors surrounding vampires and vampirism are disturbing and, to a large extent, exaggerated. Had there been even a strong suspicion about me, I would not be standing here today."