We are the LOST GIRLS

𝚂𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚎𝚝

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!

Those were the only thoughts that could go through my head. In a day, I'd managed to anger my parents, one of my best friends AND my teachers. Amazing. I had gotten scolded by my parents for not washing the dishes (because I was trying to deal with my horrendous report card results). One of my best friends had gotten mad at me for chatting and being too carried away when we were supposed to work on a group project. After that, my piano teacher scolded me multiple times for NOT PRACTICING (excuse me?! I'd practiced for two hours every day of the past week!).

Life was unfair because some people had a super easy life while I was supposed to deal with all this pressure.

Life was unfair because some parents didn't hound on their children to do the chores.

Life was unfair because playing the piano was hard. I wanted to play the guitar so badly, but my teacher, and my parents, wouldn't allow me to do so.

I glared at the worksheet in front of me and sighed. Obviously, nothing would make me focus on math, so why bother? But then again, my parents gave me death glares when they saw my math results.

I knew what my friend would say. The friend who always had a happy face and managed to keep a cheery disposition 24/7, not to mention singing LOUDLY. That friend would tell me to ease the burden off of myself.

She would say to me that results didn't define who I was. She would tell me that my parents loved me very, very much, and all the scolding and anger were because they loved me a lot and didn't want me to get in the wrong mindset. She would tell me that practice always makes perfect and that the teacher scolded me because she saw potential in me to do great.

She would tell me, 'I'm going through my own troubles too. Don't forget that you're not alone, and don't forget that I'll be here to help you.'

But she wasn't.

I was sorry. For all the anger and hurt and bitterness that the world had given. For all the sadness that people had to experience. For the loss of loved ones.

I'd had to grow up a great deal these past 4 years, and I'd experienced a lot of trauma, bitterness, and despair. I had been hiding my identity for as long as I knew in fear of being excluded and ostracized.

Last year, I finally came out of the turtle shell I had been hiding in, and made a dedicated, loyal, and forgiving group of friends who respected and loved me for who I was.

Now with that one friend gone, the group tore apart. So, I clung to what I had left as I slowly drifted away from my friends.

Sure, I desperately wanted to forgive and return to what it was like before, but I knew it wasn't possible. At least, not when my friend wasn't around.

I sighed heavily for the nth time and turned to look out the window. Same desolate image of a night sky, heavily light polluted without a star in sight. I didn't even know who to blame for all that, but I knew I had a part in polluting the night sky. Great, another thing to worry about.

But I saw two shooting stars coming toward me and patiently waited for my secret wish to come true, or at least some reprieve from the hell my life was becoming (i.e. death).

I hoped it was my wish.