Our little secret // lesbian story (intersex x girl)

12.

Angelica's POV

"Are you avoiding me?" Josephine stopped in her tracks and sighed, turning to look at me "I'm not avoiding you. I just don't wanna talk to you so I walk away whenever I see you" she said. I laughed and stepped closer to her "that's exactly the definition of avoiding me. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong, I just want to stay the fuck alone!" I held her arm and turned her around. She laughed "being bold now are we?" I slowly let go of her arm as she stepped closer to me, looking down at me.

"Let's not do this. You'll probably end up going to your room crying so don't make me start" I gulped and tried to gain courage for what I was about to say.

"No, we will do this. If you're gonna keep avoiding me, I'd like to know what I did wrong. I can't live knowing the only person that made me feel cared about is acting like she hates me. It hurts. You're the only person I care about"

She moved even closer to me, making me back away "oh you wanna know why I'm avoiding you?" She asked. I took a step back until my back hit the wall "yes I do"

"I learned that you're nothing but a piece of shit. You're just like everyone else that works here, you don't deserve to be treated differently so I'm not gonna treat you differently anymore. You're just someone I was messing around with for sex and nothing fucking more!"

I regret asking her what I did wrong.

Apparently what I did wrong was exist around her.

I have never been more hurt in my entire life. Her words just stung my heart and it made it ache. She really is the only person I care about, I really like her and I want her to like me back but she doesn't even treat me the same anymore.

I was happy when I was being treated like a princess. It felt really good to have someone care if you ate or slept or drank water.

She was really nice to me, it made me get so attached to her so quickly.

It was my fault that I got attached.

It probably wouldn't have hurt this much if I wasn't attached to her.

Her eyebrows relaxed and she backed away a little. I walked past her and ran up to my room. I got inside the bathroom and locked the door.

I sat down on the floor with my head back on the door and started crying.

I'm being a baby. Why am I crying?

I want to be this tough girl that acts like she doesn't care and can get fucked over by people and not give a shit about it but I simply can't. I love loving people and making them feel cared about even if I wasn't very close to them but I don't want anyone to be missing that part like I did.

The part where love wasn't shown to me from my parents and it made me crave love from anyone.

And here I am. Josephine gave me the slightest bit of attention and now I'm in my bathroom crying because she said those hurtful things to me.

I heard light knocks on my bathroom door "Angel, open the door please" her voice was soft and gentle, not demanding at all "I didn't mean all of that"

I was waiting for her to apologize but she probably wouldn't. She sees herself in a higher level than me that she wouldn't apologize for something she did. Her ego is over the roof.

"I messed up and I know I hurt you, if I could take it all back, I would but I can't. The least I can do is comfort you, even if I was the one that hurt you" the least you can do is apologize for your mistake.

She would go in circles around the whole situation. She would say anything but the words 'I am sorry'.

"I have feelings for you and I don't know how to deal with them" that caught my attention. I sniffed and waited for her to say something else "I was never in a romantic relationship where I get frustrated like I am right now, probably because they weren't severe feelings but what I have for you is a lot to take that I tend to push them away"

"Why do you push them away?" I asked her. I heard her sigh "because I see you as an amazing person that deserves someone that isn't..me. Not that I don't see myself as the best person ever.." she said laughing making me crack a small smile.

"..I just care way too much for you that I want to protect you from myself. I know if we get together, I will hurt you at some point which is why I wanted to keep my feelings to myself but now that I already hurt you, I think you deserve to hear the truth"

"I don't want you to protect me from yourself. I want you, I really do" I said wiping my tears "I can hurt you badly just like I did now and that's when we didn't even get in a relationship. I can't see you like that again. I'm trying to better myself but I've never experienced love or ever truly fell for someone"

"My past relationships were all based off of sex. But you, I don't only want to suck your dick or fuck you. I want to make you smile, make you know you're worthy of everything good in this world, I will literally give you a part of my heart if you want it. I've never felt this way about anyone, it's really scary, strong feelings are scary"

She sounded genuine. I believe her but a part of me is telling me not to. Not because of her, I was just being lied to constantly in my life and I can't get myself to trust someone very quickly.

But she was different.

The part of me that was telling me to not believe a word wasn't more than the part of me that actually believes her.

I don't want to ignore her and act like I didn't care about a single word she said and she ends up meaning every word and I'll end up hurting her after she opened up to me about her feelings.

I know how hard it is to talk about feelings.

"Just open the door" do I want to forgive her quickly? yes. Should I? No.

After all what she said was messed up but I can't stay mad at her. It's really hard.

"Please pretty girl. We'll continue talking but I just want to see your beautiful face" she knows how to use her words and I hate her for it. She can get me to forgive her so easily.

I stood up and wiped my tears. I unlocked the door and kept looking down knowing my eyes were red and puffy from the crying. I couldn't look her in the eyes.

I just want to hear her say 'I'm sorry' that's all I want.

I felt her hand softly reaching out for my hand. She interlocked her fingers with mine and pulled me towards my bed slowly.

She sat down on the edge and I sat down next to her "you're very important to me Angel. You made my life so much better.." I looked up at her and saw her eyebrows frowned a little "..you're everything to me and I mean it"

"I don't care about my family. They're nothing to me because they treated you like shit and they treated me like shit. Maybe my mom isn't the worse but I still don't forgive her for letting my dad do such things to me when I was younger like hit me and lock me in my room to make me stronger and she's just there, watching me getting tortured at a very young age"

"I care about you. I didn't mean it when I said you were nothing to me, you're the complete opposite. You're everything I need in my life. Everything I said a bit ago was non-sense. I came to the realization that I have feelings for you and didn't know how to deal with them so I just said things that were very hurtful to you but I want you to know that I didn't mean any of it"

I always believe anything a person says when they're angry. Wether it's bad or good but she seems like she's really scared and worried about just acting up on her feelings because she hasn't been in a proper relationship yet.

I want to kiss her and hold her. I want to tell her that I forgive her but I feel like I was choking on my own words. Nothing was coming out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry for everything I did" I looked at her and just stayed quiet.

She apologized.

"If you don't want to ever look at my face again, I understand but I just wanted you to know how I feel before it's too late"