institutionalized ; muke au

zero

the fire engine had arrived too late.

i watched as our home burned to the ground in flames, the once perfect and dreamy home was at our feet, sizzling as it finished. the sirens in the distance wailed, the sound of tires screeching down the busy highway sounded. it was to no avail, the emergency department had been to blame for the ashes crunched beneath my boots. they apologized, repeatedly, but it was no use. calum was already sobbing into ashton's t-shirt, crying over the lost memories and photo albums.

now, i lay to sleep in my own house, wearing only boxers and a random blink-182 shirt casually thrown on. everything had happened so fast that night. before then, the three of us were sitting in front of ellen degeneres, discussing luke's book, and how it became the best selling novel. overnight, a cigarette had overpowered the safety of our house, the lighted butt which ignited the shelter to a bright orange in the dark atmosphere. it was talked about for weeks in the news. i wish i had died in it.

the feathered pillow under my head feels like bricks. it's been months since i slept appropriately. my mind, which at one point in my life was optimistic, was jammed with the many thoughts that i couldn't even begin to comprehend. that was my life now, just thoughts whirring before me, only to be lost in the abyss of my brain.

it was the 23 of september when everything went downhill. i had called calum after having another nightmare, and he suggested therapy. i declined, knowing it was just a phase of mourning over the loss of him. but he and ashton pestered me, and i should've realized then. i should've realized that they were concerned, i should've known this was going to happen.

they told me we were going to the beach.

they lied.

because instead, i was sitting in the lobby of a mental asylum. my two best friends, the ones who told me with such sincerity that they would stay by my side no matter what happened. it was so unexpected, and i almost couldn't believe it myself.

extreme depression.

that's what they diagnosed me with.

but it wasn't depression. it was the sudden transition of having a happy, content life and within a minute having to deal with the death of your loved one.

life was never really that fine to begin with. i can only imagine how it'll be with a broken heart in a nut house.