The Last Seer

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The Doctor looked around. Claire Ann's room was empty, and he couldn't find her. Coming to the control room, where Rose sat with a warm drink, he said, "Rose, have you seen Claire Ann?"

She shook her head as a hologram appeared. They walked around, and saw that it was Claire Ann, with the vortex manipulator on her wrist. He sighed. He knew she had been lying, but hadn't wanted to believe it.

"Dad, Rose, I'm really sorry about this, but I realized-if I don't save Rose's life that day two years ago, then she's going to die." Rose looked up at the Doctor with wide eyes. She could remember how the girl looked, and though her hair was blonde, she looked otherwise like Claire Ann-she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed before now.

"And I can't let that happen. Dad, I love you. You know I do," he scoffed here, "and you know I wouldn't do this if I had another choice. But what it comes down to is you having me or Rose and your son or daughter. I know it's been hard for you to lose me before, and I'm so so sorry I'm putting you through it again." There were tears in his eyes as he watched her say goodbye to him. And just like before, there was nothing he could do to save or stop her.

"Rose," Rose gasped at being directly addressed, "you've been like a mother to me, and I can't thank you enough. There's nothing I want more than for you and the Doctor to be happy together, and for me to not be the reason my sibling is dead. So don't blame yourself for this, either of you. And don't let my sibling blame himself either.

"Goodbye. Maybe I'll see you again."

The hologram vanished, leaving the Doctor and Rose in stunned silence. "Doctor, I think I feel sick." Rose put her hand to her stomach, which had grown to a sizable bump, and sat down.

He blinked down, and took a deep breath. "Rose, she died that day. She fell into the void."

"And it was my fault. Yes, I know." She had tried to keep the mystery girl safe, but had failed. She hadn't tried hard enough. She hadn't known. If she had known...she would have given up her own life.

"It wasn't your fault. I've seen very little of this regeneration, but so far I've gotten the understanding that she's rather sure that she's indestructible."

"Where did you get that?"

He looked over and shrugged. "She's always tossing herself in the way."

Rose shook her head. "Doctor, why do you think she went back there? Because it wasn't for the reason that she was sure she could survive." He frowned. "She values our lives above hers."

His mouth formed a big O. "I didn't know that." He should have though. This regeneration was too similar to her first for her to have self-esteem that high. Claire Ann had always valued everyone's life over her own, whether they be a king or a criminal. It had been Tegan who had finally gotten through to her that she was important.

The Doctor was sad; it should have been him. He was her father-why couldn't he see that she was upset, that she was the most selfless person in the universe because she was humble and held herself in low regard, but she was also fearless and strong. In most lights she was happy, but when you saw under her happiness, you could find a deep rooted sadness, and a desire to make others happy. That's what made her happy.

So why couldn't he see that she would do whatever she could to keep Rose and her unborn sibling safe? To keep him happy? So that he wouldn't have to go through Rose's death?

But now he was going through hers-again. Why did it have to be her? It was bad, because he shouldn't have had a favorite child, but she was Daddy's Little Girl. He had loved her more than her brothers, although they had all captured his heart. It had been a terrible loss before, when he thought Daleks had killed her, but now, seeing her go willingly to death, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He had just gotten her back, and she was gone again. Out of his reach forever.

Rose was silent as he walked back to his room in a dazed sort of way and closed the door behind himself. She couldn't think of a thing to say. She had never experienced loss before, so she couldn't properly console him, and she had never watched him grieve, so she didn't know what to do.

Finally she opened his door and stepped inside. It was dark, the only light coming from the glow of the golden paint on the wall. He was sitting on his bed, legs off the side, sobbing. Her heart went out to him, and she sat beside him.

That's all. She just sat. He didn't need her empty words, her promises that everything was alright. He just needed her.

Rose sat there with him for a while, most of the day, as he grieved in different fashions. Alternating between crying, silence, and pacing, the Doctor didn't speak. Neither did Rose. Her eyes followed him as at one point he was pacing and suddenly slipped down the wall into silent sobs.

As the sky grew dim with twilight, or it would've had they been on earth (about late afternoon), he took Rose in his arms. "She was right. You cannot blame yourself for this. And we have to make sure they don't either." His eyes flickered to her stomach and she nodded.

"They?"

He frowned. "What?"

"You said 'they', referring to our child." She frowned up at him.

He smiled a bit. "I was going to tell you and Claire Ann today-I scanned you last night, to make sure you and the baby were healthy. Rose, we're having twins."

~

While he had expressed joy in a minor effect for that second, the Doctor was more depressed now than he had ever been.

A week passed, and every morning it was a fight for him to get out of bed, to go anywhere. He was in her TARDIS.

The door to her room vanished after Rose found him in there dwelling on what could have been, and after a pointed request to the TARDIS. The room remained, but there was no way in.

Rose was trying to cheer him up, so asked for lessons on how to fly the TARDIS. Maybe talking would distract him, she thought. "Then I won't be useless once our kids are born, and I can help teach them something too," she said.

He had nodded solemnly and been more than bland as he explained the parts and how they worked. It was like a school lesson.

She stopped him halfway through. "Doctor, please stop."

He frowned. "But I thought you wanted to learn?"

"I do, but not like this. I mean, are you listening to yourself? I've never seen you so upset, and it just keeps getting worse! Please, just tell me what's got you so upset."

"Do I have to say it?"

She nodded. "Yes. Because I miss her too, and I want her back as much as you, but there's something else there. There's more going on in that funny head of yours than just her."

He leaned back and crossed his arms. "I can't remember. I cannot remember watching her fall into the void. I saw her get close, and she was feet away, but then the next thing I can remember is hugging you."

Rose frowned. She couldn't remember either. Claire Ann had whispered that she was sorry, but a second later the void was closed, she was gone, and the Doctor was rushing to her side.

"So what're you saying?" she asked.

"I'm saying that I never saw her die."