Dancing in the Rain

I.a

"Have your maids do their best. You should go out in style."

I was surprised by the hate in my own voice. I'd never felt this much pain before. Even the many whippings I'd suffered from at the hands of my father were nothing compared to the pain in my chest. I turned, ignoring the tears in America's eyes, and walked away as quickly as I could.

I barely made it to my quarters before I let myself fall apart. It felt as if my heart had shattered into a million pieces, leaving nothing in its wake. Last night was the happiest I'd ever been. Being with America, a girl that I loved and who loved me back, was a dream come true, and we got excited in talking about the future that both of us wanted.

But then to learn it was a lie was like a knife to the heart. She'd told me she loved me, and I'd been so naive as to trust her. Maybe she had liked me, but she went behind my back. She had been with that guard for the entire time we'd been together.

And to think that I'd allowed her into the most intimate aspects of my life! The scars on my back. The pictures in my room. My worries for my country and my family. My struggles. She'd been so real, so passionate, not another person fighting for the crown. I guess I was wrong about that too.

I threw myself on my bed and let the sobs break out of me. The worst part was that deep inside of me, I still loved her, despite what she'd done. The moments we'd had together, the memories and experiences, circled around my head. While it seemed impossible to let that all go, I knew that I had to. I couldn't let my heart be broken by her again. But for now, I just wallowed in my sadness. I thought of when we first met. Our walks in the gardens. Working together with August and Georgia. Dancing in the rain. Her laugh. She has the prettiest laugh, I found myself thinking. Ugh. I couldn't stop thinking about her, about us. I looked at the photos on my walls. The one of America and I, her wearing her cream dress and me in my sash, brought me back to the past. And I let myself get lost in the happy memories with her, sealing them deep inside of my broken heart. and covering them with my anger and hurt at what she'd done.

After a while, I got up to get ready for the celebrations. I walked to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I changed into one of my nicest suits, checking the bow-tie in the mirror. In just a few hours, I would propose to Kriss in front of the entire nation. I had to look composed, happy, and in love. I was good at pretending, especially on camera, but I knew the latter would be the most difficult. Because no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't love Kriss like I loved America. I tightened my bow-tie, gave myself a stern look in the mirror, and left. It felt as if I were walking to my doom.