Dancing in the Rain

II.e

The next couple of days were a blur. Maxon was helping more with the wedding planning, so we spent more hours with the planner, going over centerpieces, the layout of the placecards, and the setup of the chairs for the ceremony. I worked more on the caste elimination project, meeting with the advisors on multiple occasions. Silvia taught me about the royal family's visits to our allies, and she practiced the coronation with me over and over. Maxon was still smoothing over the New Asian trade deal.

But mixed in with all of the busyness, there were some great moments mixed in. I gave my speech on the Report, and it was received better than we could have hoped. The state representatives seemed to like our plan when we discussed it at our meeting, and they all confirmed that they'd be willing to continue further with the caste elimination project.

I had the final fitting for my wedding/coronation dress, which had turned out to be more beautiful than I could have imagined. I hadn't been able to talk to Lucy much with my schedule, but I was able to go on a walk with her in the gardens after lunch one day. They served blueberry pancakes at breakfast, and we had chocolate cake for dessert.

Before I knew it, two weeks had gone by. Maxon and I had barely had a single moment alone together, and the few times we did, we either had to talk about work or were so exhausted from work that we couldn't bother making meaningful conversation. And I could still feel the awkwardness between us during those short conversations.

This morning had been particularly rough, though, and it had put me in a slightly bad mood. All of the advisors were crabby during our meeting, I'd nearly tripped several times when practicing walking in the shoes I was supposed to wear for coronation, and I had misplaced the papers with the work I'd done on the caste elimination project. And in addition to all of this, I had the nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. I was in the office, rooting around in all the drawers looking for it, when I heard someone walk in.

"What now?" I asked, agitated. I couldn't deal with any more drama at the moment.

"Is this a bad time?" I heard Maxon ask.

I looked up from the drawer. "Sorry," I said apologetically. "I'm just annoyed right now. I can't find the most recent draft of the updates to the caste elimination project."

"Do you want me to help you look for it?"

"No, it's okay, I can look for it later. What did you want to talk to me about? As long as its not about wedding plans, I could use a distraction." I rolled my shoulders, hoping to shrug off my bad mood.

"It's not about wedding plans, I promise," Maxon said as he sat down in the seat across from me at the large desk.

"Okay, then, what is it about?" I asked, curious.

Maxon shrugged. "Not about anything in particular. I just wanted to talk with you. I feel like things have been..." he searched for the right words. "...awkward between us lately. Ever since that night with the strawberry tarts."

"I feel it too," I agreed.

"That's why I wanted to clear things up. Talk about everything now before this builds up between us."

"Sounds reasonable," I nodded.

"I'll start then." Maxon cleared his throat. "I know that you've been having your doubts about being Queen, and I understand why. It's no easy task. And I - I know it's a lot to ask of you-" his voice cracked as he continued. "What with the formalities and the duties and lack of privacy and all..."

I nodded. "It does feel like a lot sometimes," I said. "And sometimes I feel like I won't be able to do it all."

"That's what I wanted to talk about," Maxon says. "I know I've already said this before, but I think it's so important that I'm going to say it again. I want to let you know that whenever you're feeling worried or stressed or are doubting yourself, you can always talk to me. Because I believe in you. You're going to be a great Queen. You're the leader that Illéa needs."

Even the second time around, his words still meant just as much to me. Suddenly the desk separating us annoyed me. I pushed back my chair, walking around the desk to sit in the chair next to Maxon. Without even saying a word, we both moved our chairs so that we were facing each other. I looked into his eyes - full of worry and hope and love - and took his hands in mine. "Thank you, Maxon." I said, my voice full of emotion. "And I'll take you up on that offer you just made. You're going to get so tired of my voice," I added jokingly.

Maxon smiled, relieved that we were able to talk this out. "I could never get tired of your voice," he said seriously. "In fact, I've missed it recently. I feel like we haven't been able to talk in a while."

"Yeah," I agreed sadly. "We've both been so busy we've hardly talked to each other about anything besides wedding plans and work in the past two weeks."

Maxon sat up straighter in his seat. "I know. It kind of worries me, a bit. Because as queen and king, we'll most likely be busy all of the time. But we have to make time for each other and our relationship. I miss spending time with you."

"I miss spending time with you too," I said. "And you're right. About making time for each other. I agree that it's important. But it's just that..." I trailed off.

"What?" Maxon asked, interested. "It's just that what?"

I sighed. "It's just that we both have so many things to do, so much on our minds. Everyone's watching us constantly and evaluating our relationship."

"I know," Maxon replied. "But that still doesn't change anything. Who cares if others watch us? What of our busy schedules? I love you, America, and I really, really, don't want to lose you. Do you want the rest of our lives to just be a repeat of the last two weeks? Small talk over meal times with no real conversations or dates?" He was right, I realized. I didn't want our relationship to head in that direction. Maxon continued. "We'll just have to find ways to spend time alone, just us two, before we let our work separate us."

"How?" I asked, confused. How could I take more time out of my already busy day?

Maxon began formulating a plan, approaching the problem the way he'd been trained to - as a King, with a detailed proposal. He stood up, pacing as he held his hands behind his back. "How about we have regular dates or meetings, let's say, at least once a day? It can be as little as a ten minute conversation or a day-trip together. We can go on fancy dates or simple ones, whatever you'd like. As long as we don't talk solely about work. We'll just spend the time together, enjoying each other's company. And if we start to slack off, we have to hold each other accountable."

I considered his plan. It seemed tough, but doable if we made the time. And I knew that it was important that we make time for each other. Just with these two weeks and one awkward conversation hovering between us, I could already feel a divide growing within us. We had to try and stop it before it grew.

I nodded. "I agree with your plan. We have to make us important too."

Maxon opened his mouth as if he were about to say something when suddenly Marlee opened the door, stepping quickly into the room. "America, there you are! The wedding planner's here. Your meeting was supposed to start ten minutes ago!"

Oh. That's what I'd felt I was missing earlier.

Marlee paused as she noticed Maxon in the room. "Oh, hi, Maxon. You should come too, they'll need your help." She turned, heading towards the door. "I'm going to review next week's schedule in the other office." When she noticed that neither Maxon or I had moved, she added, "Hurry!"

"Of course, we're on our way," I said. As she left the room, Maxon took my hand, and we made our way towards the door.