Hands Tied

getting to know you

Chapter III ♡ getting to know you

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It was cold. A crispy, wintery night, so cold that Jungkook could even see his own breath clearly, and he was wandering on the empty streets, with no specific direction, just him and the stifling feeling in his chest.

His mother used to tell him not to wander alone at night, especially not during winters when the desolate streets can be even more dangerous. Especially when he was so far from home and had no one to reach out to in case he needed help. Yet there he was, ignoring the advice he had been given, too stubborn to care, too broken to go back. At least the cold felt harsher on his skin than the memory of his touches, and somehow, it helped him forget.

Jungkook thought he had everything at some point, friends, happiness...

love;

Was it love, though?

Or was it all just in Jungkook's head? Did he imagine it all?

But Junkook didn't know certainly. What's love, after all? How does it feel, after all? Was it what they had? Did Jungkook ever feel loved? Did he actually love, or was it his pride telling him he was doing so. Why didn't he ever ask questions?

Jungkook thought he was cared for, thought he had someone by his side that he too cared for. But now, after thinking about it, he realized that he could have imagined it. He indulged in the situation knowingly, happy to have him by his side. Happy to let everyone know he was loved, satisfied, and leading a perfect life with such a great person by his side.

Because Jungkook never thought he'd want to be alone ever again, so he clung to that small hinge of hope and desperately turned a blind eye to the truth lying ahead.

He blindly decided to convince himself that was exactly how it's supposed to be, to feel, to live. Until reality hit him all at once, with full force.

But that's why he was walking on empty streets now. Alone.

Because that's exactly what he deserved because he was foolish enough to let himself fall prey to the great powers of appearances, popularity, and pride.

And then, the image lying in front of him distorted again, as it always did, into exactly what he feared the most. His mind projected the image the way he remembered it and made him feel sick yet he kept on watching. As if his mind loved to taste that torture. Jungkook was trapped, the victim of his own mind. His mind kept on chasing that feeling, certifying over and over that it was true, and he has been defied.

He was nothing, he meant nothing to him.

He saw him there, right in front of his eyes, making out with one of their "friends", a friend that Jungkook didn't remember the name of, but someone who has been in their presence enough times to be remembered. But the person didn't matter. Jungkook would see someone different every time, yet his focus remained constantly on Soo Hyun and the way he touched, without a care in the world, someone who was not Jungkook.

And Jungkook got a feeling that Soo Hyun knew he was being watched, yet he continued, taking pleasure in seeing Jungkook fall apart.

He couldn't help but wonder, did it happen only once? Impossible.

Did Jungkook let himself be touched by him right after he was in the arms of another person? Even the more he thought of it urged the lump in his throat to feel heavier, and then it slowly became unbearable, suffocating. He wanted to run away, he had to yet his body wouldn't move, it wouldn't listen.