Finding My Way

I'm Falling Apart

Instead of going to the cafeteria for lunch, I head for the library. It's my only refuge away from prying eyes and Chase. In every class we have together, I can feel him staring at me, trying to figure out what I'm thinking. I can tell he's mad about the note and the vice principal intervening.
As soon as I walk into the library, I'm greeted with the smell of old leather and paper. I start walking to a table near the back of the room when someone appears at my side.
"Hey," Gwen whispers, matching my stride.
"Um, hi," I whisper back once we sit down at a table in the back corner of the library.
"What's going on?" She asks, her voice filled with concern.
I sigh, "what did Chase tell you?" Whenever something happens between him and I, he almost always reaches out to Gwen. It's becoming a pattern.
She sighs before reluctantly placing the note I left him this morning on the desk, "he just gave me this with very little explanation."
I cover my eyes, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to spill. "I broke up with him."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, tears start rolling down my cheeks as I try to control my breathing so I don't start sobbing.
Instead of saying anything, Gwen puts an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her as she tries to silently comfort me.
After several minutes, I finally calm down enough to wipe my tears away and say, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she says soothingly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head, "not really."
She nods knowingly, "I'm here if you need to talk. You can tell me anything."
I nod my thanks and we spend the rest of our lunch period sitting in silence.

***

As soon as the final bell rings, Gwen loops her arm with mine and says, "I'm giving you a ride home. You don't need to be on that dreaded bus."
"Okayy?" I force a small laugh. Today has been so long and overwhelming, I don't have much fight left in me to insist I take the bus home.
I don't miss the gawking most of the student body does as we walk past them through the parking lot. I keep my head down, looking up only to see Chase sitting in his Jeep waiting for me.
As soon as I meet his pleading eyes, I look away, giving Gwen the same pleading stare he's giving me. She looks up at him through the passenger window of his car, barely shaking her head as she continues to lead me to her car.
After taking a few deep breaths, I get into her Ford Fiesta and fasten the seatbelt.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks as she turns the key in the ignition.
I shrug my shoulders in response.
"What does the note mean?" She asks delicately as she backs out of the parking spot.
"It means... everything?" I sigh, not being able to come up with the right words. "My mom told me to break up with him."
She accidentally swerves into the other lane, muttering some curse words under her breath as she moves back to the right lane. "Why??"
"I was spending too much time with him," I shrug helplessly.
"And that's why you broke up with him??"
"No," I say reluctantly. "There's more than that."
"Like??" She persists.
"His fans hate me. And they're right to."
"How's that?" She asks, turning into my neighborhood.
"I'll never be good enough for him."