Athena

47. No Sound Comes Out

Rape.

As the R-word spills from Keisha's mouth, the ugliness of it hangs in the air like a toxic, polluted cloud. It practically chokes me. My blood starts racing with a crazy blur of emotions I can't even name. I simply stare back at Keisha.

Slack-jawed.

Stunned.

She looks self-righteous. Unbothered. It makes me resent her. The party continues buzzing around us. I hear the laughter, the chatter, and the music in the background. It's nothing but noise, noise, noise. So much fucking noise. It fades into the background. For now, my mind is only capable of focusing on one person. 

Suzie.

A fire ignites in me. I don't know what happened between Suzie and Brody, but I know what he tried to do to me. It makes me want to react. To respond. An urge to scream crawls up my throat. Keisha needs to wake the fuck up. Suzie's accusation about Brody feels much too real for my liking. My heart hurts for her. I want to tell Keisha everything that Brody and Chrissa did to me at Sam's party. She needs to know that if Cruz and Alison hadn't found me in time, the fucker probably would've raped me, too.

But, then, a small, insecure voice whispers through my mind. It holds me back. I doubt Keisha would believe me even if I told her the truth. Not right now, anyway. The girl doesn't like me. She doesn't trust me. No matter how outraged I feel about this situation, it seems pointless to waste my anger on her. My emotions may be running high, but I need to find a way to handle this shit with a bit more restraint.

I glare at Keisha and insist, "Come on, now. Nobody knows what happened between Suzie and Brody except for Suzie and Brody."

An overwhelming desire to find Suzie overtakes me. I want to find her again as soon as I wrap up this conversation with Keisha. I need to know what really went down with Brody.

"Oh, please," she snorts. "Everyone knows that Suzie has been obsessed with Brody Carlisle since middle school. In seventh grade, she used to wait by his locker to give him homemade cookies for Valentine's Day. The bitch has been crushing on him for years. She only started saying this shit because he rejected her ass at a party last year."

"Why would she lie, though?"

Keisha readily supplies, "Because she's embarrassed? Maybe she wanted to get back at Brody."

I know I should go talk to Suzie about all of this instead—this is her story to tell, after all—but, curiosity gets the better of me. I find myself asking Keisha, "Tell me what happened at the party last year."

A flicker of hesitation appears on Keisha's face. "Honestly? I'm not sure. I think Suzie asked Brody to homecoming or something? He turned her down, of course. But everyone has a different take on what actually happened."

"I see."

Whenever there's more than one spin on the same damn story, it makes me question how many facts get twisted into fiction. No one is really a reliable narrator. Even people with the best intentions have biases, and truth tends to lose its way through the slants and skews.

"At first, Suzie was the one who claimed she let Brody take her V-card. Then, for some reason, she fucking changed her mind."

My eyebrows shoot up. I repeat, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, Suzie started telling people that she was drunk that night. That Brody was the one who pushed her onto the bed. That she didn't really want him to fuck her. All I know is that she's a mean-spirited hypocrite, and you shouldn't believe her lies."

Uncomfortably, I mumble, "I guess you've already decided to believe everyone else over Suzie?"

Keisha looks uncomfortable, too. She grows defensive, "I mean, Jonathan doesn't even believe Suzie, and he's her brother. What do you want me to say? I'm just telling you what I've heard."

I hone in on this troubling point: Jonathon doesn't have Suzie's back?

My brow creases with concern. I want to know why Jonathon hasn't done anything to speak up for his sister.

Does he think Suzie is lying like everyone else?

That seems pretty fucked up. Family is supposed to stick together. Like Persie and me.

Right?

My expression turns sour as I say in hard tones, "Hey, Keisha?"

She gives me a wary look. "What?"

"Please don't be so quick to judge Suzie."

Keisha asks suspiciously, "Why are you defending her?"

I shrug. "I dunno. Maybe Brody tried to pull this crap on someone else I know, and she just hasn't come forward about it yet."

"Who are you talking about?" she demands.

A tense pause stretches between us. I shoot her strained, pointed look. "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Then, I walk away, leaving Keisha gaping after me in confusion. I don't spare her a backwards glance because I need to find Suzie. I want to tell Suzie about what Brody did to me. To let her know that she's not alone.

With quick, hurried steps, I make a beeline back to the den with the fireplace. I glance around. Unfortunately, it's empty now, and Suzie is nowhere in sight. I spend the next ten minutes wandering through the crowds, searching for her in the living room, the kitchen, and the bedrooms. I check the backyard. I even camp outside the bathrooms like some kind of desperate stalker.

The girl has vanished like a ghost in her own damn house. Anxiety and worry rise in me.

Where did Suzie go?

"Shit," I mutter, feeling at a loss. Just then, a hand falls on my shoulder. I tense up a little.

What, now?

Who is it?

Keisha again?

With a prickle of dread, I turn my head to see who the hand belongs to. My gaze is met with black hair and green eyes. Relief flows through me.

Oh, thank God.

It's only Cruz.

"Hey," he grunts with a miffed look. "Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry," I reply stiffly. "I didn't mean to go MIA on you."

Everything feels beyond fucked up now. Before, I was trying to forget about Sam's party and move on with my life. Steer clear of Brody. Maybe poke and prod at Chrissa every now and then. Just to mess with her head. Now, though, Suzie's murky ties to Brody have unlocked something inside feral inside me. I'm not so sure if I want to stay quiet anymore.

The world needs to know about guys like Brody. I hate that there are two layers to him. The fact that everyone only chooses to see the surface of who he is as a person feels so incredibly unfair. I resent the fact that only a few of us have seen how deep his shittiness runs. Brody is not some rich, popular, hot guy for girls to fawn over. He's not some basketball star to be admired by the whole school. He's a cheater who's fucking around with his friend's girlfriend. He's a threat to females everywhere. He's a predator.

Yet, I don't know if I possess the courage to step forward about Brody. To shout loud enough for others to hear me. I'm scared that people won't believe me. They certainly didn't believe in Suzie. Hell, not even Jonathon believed her.

My mind feels lost.

Cruz frowns at my withdrawn behavior. He takes a step towards me as his voice drops to a lower register, "Everything okay?"

I assume I don't look okay at all. My eyes sting as I gaze up at him, whispering dejectedly, "Have you ever felt so angry that you just wanna scream? But no sound comes out?"