Noona (BTS FF)

Ten letter word

*Author Note*

This is the page that Hobi read that caused him to be emotional, this is poem I wrote during some of my darkest times. If you understand, I am sorry. Just know you are not alone.

*Entry*

Depression, a ten letter word to describe the endless abyss I have found myself in yet again.

An endless cycle I am unable to escape from, no matter how hard I struggle.

I get so close to reaching the top, can see the sky caressing the edge like a lover does, but then like a memory it fades.

My grip vanishes.

It falters under my hold, crumbles to gravel and dust, and yet again I plummet into the darkness.

It's different for everyone.

For me?

It's deafening, everything echoes, disorienting, warped, shadows move and frolic for no other reason than they can.

My mind deceives me, unknown hands reach out to touch, clawing and grasping at skin, hair and clothes.

Voices whispering together in an endless crowd of numbing pitches.

Footsteps echoing as they rush by across empty floors.

Lights flashing before plunging everything back into a suppressing and restrictive void.

Air becomes scarce as the temperatures fall, clouds of mist and steam rise.

It rises until it clutches everything in its frigid embrace, stealing the last of the warmth from it's victims.

Then for one glorious second, everything stands still.

But it is a lie, a trap laid out to place that noose around your neck and tighten instantly.

Cutting into sensitive, vulnerable skin, staining it in shades of reds, purples and blues while stealing the last breath of air from your terrified lungs.

Struggling is futile, a losing game.

Yet you struggle anyway on the false hope of survival, but you won't.

You can't.

Depression is a cruel master, your struggle is his entertainment and you play by his rules.

He chooses when and if you can win, and to win?

Means in the end you lost the fight and gave into him, for you have finally ceased to exist so he moves onto his next toy, while you lay broken, lifeless and empty.

A simple ten letter word, yet a huge oppressive force I can't escape ever...