Alive but dead. (karlnap)

chapter 13, tubbo

I killed him, it felt great. He was going to leave me before, he would've done it again. He was hurting karl, he would have killed him. I had a right to shoot him. Kill him. It wasn't my fault, I shouldn't feel guilty but happy, it was for a good reason. Killing isn't so bad right? I mean I've killed things before, but a person? why does it feel so different.

I felt myself smile as I thought of the scattered brain and flesh and blood everywhere it makes me kinda excited to see someone like him die, I wanted to laugh. I've never felt like this since everything went to shit. Maybe I should- no stop thats stupid dont think this way. Hurting people isn't ok, but it was so nice. Stop- stop it- shut up-"tubbo? Are you ok. Your acting a bit weird." I heard ranboo say, it startled me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, uh yeah..." I said I felt my voice waver, "I just need to sit down for a bit" I said as I flopped to the ground. "Tubbo!?" Tommy said coming over. "Are you ok?" He said getting in my face and checking to see if I was hurt. I quickly pushed him back, "im fine so get out of my bubble" I said feeling a bit sick all of the sudden.

"Sorry, im just worried, you...killed someone after all" he said looking away. "I know, but im fine so don't worry" I said getting up slowly. "Tubbo, its ok to feel scared or something I mean you don't need to face this alone you know." Ranboo said standing next to me, probably making sure I was stable. "I'm ok, can we just stop talking about this. Something is more important right now, how's karl?" I sighed, karls more important he's literally dying why do they have to worry about me.

"We still don't know if he'll make it, he lost a lot of blood. " Ranboo said still concentrating his concerned on me. "Isn't that punz guy around here?" I asked, wondering maybe i could talk to him. "Yeah he's over there by sapnap and quackity, I think there planing to go find George and dream since they still haven't come back" Tommy said pointing over to the truck.

I sighed and told them to stay there, maybe I could get my mind off of this and help find George and dream.  "Hey, what are you guys doing" I asked hopefully I can get an invite in this search. "Were planning to go find dream and George, sapnaps planning on staying here for karl, me and punz are going to go look around." Quackity said as he got a bag of supplies ready.

"Can I join?, I kinda just want to get away from here for a little bit and I wouldn't mind helping find them I mean more people the better right?" I asked, there should be no reason to turn me down. "Yeah I understand, here take this and get ready were gonna leave soon." Quackity said handing me a backpack. I quickly put it on and went to ranboo and Tommy to tell them I was leaving.

"I'm going to go with punz and quackity to find George and dream" they both looked at me worry everywhere on there faces. "Are you sure-" I cut Tommy off, "yes im fine." I said getting slightly annoyed. I told them goodbye and went to punz and quackity. "Ok all ready" quackity said  I nodded. Sapnap said goodbye and we went off.

We started looking around stores or places they could be stuck. Nothing really caught our eyes, we didn't hear anything when we quietly called there names. We didn't see any sign of anyone for a while, we saw some creatures but we swiftly went through stores near by and hide or go through the back to avoid them.

"Theres fresh-ish looking blood over here" punz said towards the back of the store we were in. We quickly ran over, there was blood with small bits of ripped fabric on the ground, it looked like dreams green hoodie he was wearing.

"It looks like it leads over here" quackity said as he started following it. The trail went to a back door that probably led to more parts of the store, we carefully opened it. The blood stopped after a bit but we kept going down the narrow hallway to who knows where.

We heard voices after walking down for a minute, it sounded like two people, one seemed scared. We kept walking till we could tell where the voices came from. Once we did we stopped at the door the voices were from. "Dream is that you" Quackity said opening the door, hopping these people where them.

"Quackity? Tubbo?" I heard dream say frantic, we entered the room more, closing the door behind us. "Help please George he's stuck and he's bleeding" he says terrified, we quickly went over to him, he was in a corner against a door that seemed to not be opening, it looked like a closet door.

Dream looked like he'd been crying, he also had a redish patch in his hair it seemed like he hit his head. "what happened" I asked confused.

"Wilbur knocked me out I woke up to George shaking me, he looked pale when I finally woke up a bit, then I saw he was bleeding alot, I ripped off some of my sleeve so I could stop his bleeding. We started looking around the store for stuff then this door shut behind him and it won't open." Dream says as he yanked at the door again.

"I'm ok dream, im just a bit dizzy" George said from the door, he sounded drained. "How did you get hurt George?" Quackity asked as he tried to yank the door opened. "I was running and I got sliced by a metal pole." He answered quietly.

"Dream let's all try getting this open." Quackity said, dream looked at punz confused. I quickly realized he didn't know who he was. "This punz he was with some other people we found, the other's are with karl trying to help him" I said. Hoping to clear the confusion.

"Whats wrong with karl?" George said concerned. "He was stabbed by wilbur" quackity said harshly, he seemed like him even thinking about karl is making him sad. "How- why- is everyone else ok" dream said quickly, I nodded, "wilburs dead ill tell you why later, we need to get George out" quackity said as he grabbed some stuff to pry the door open.

After awhile of trying we finally broke the door open, George was pretty pale and he couldn't stand, dream carefully picked him up. "Your going to be ok" dream said as we walked back through the store, "I know that" George replied in a slightly annoyed voice but it was also  caring.

We walked through the hallway and opened the door to the back of the store, the store seemed to be a pharmacy of some sort, we already grabbed everything that was needed when we first go here, so we just went quickly through.

We checked for creatures, once the cost was clear we walked out of the store and on to the main street. The stores were the only cover we had so we stayed close. It was day now I honestly don't know how long its been day or if its about to become night again.

I've been pretty clear headed through this whole trip. its relaxing to think of something else then a guy with his brains shot out. I sighed as we continued walking. Wilbur was never nice he did things for himself and himself only and I guess thats why I really didn't have a problem with shooting him in the head.

The blood I saw didn't effect me, the trauma most people would feel from killing a person wasn't there, all I felt was a slight bit of joy that I got rid of a burden that had no need to live anymore.

I wish my thoughts weren't excited.
I wish I didn't feel myself slowing going insane from hoping there will be more opportunities to kill people, maybe this is just how I cope with killing wilbur maybe I just need to let the thoughts be thoughts and try to get through it, But I have a feeling if I do that I might do something to get more people killed.