Cassie's Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

6: Hades and Persephone || Siya_Stark3000

Author: Siya_Stark3000

Book title: 𝐇𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞

Title

The title is straightforward, but it's not unique. There are a lot of stories with the same title on Wattpad alone, so maybe you could use a more magical title like your writing style.

Cover

The cover is beautiful. I liked the font and the silver letters. The golden detail is nice too, but I wonder what's it's supposed to be.

Blurb

First of all, I was surprised because I didn't expect that twist of the story (with the robots, humanoids, etc). I'd like to know how you got that idea.

On a different note, I believe you could alter the blurb a little bit. The first thing I noticed is the spaces between each dialogue and each paragraph. I think it hinders the flow. Especially between the paragraphs, it feels as if each paragraph is talking about something else when blurbs should have a flow and continuity.

Secondly, the blurb is long. You should ask yourself if all the information is important. For example, what do the dialogues offer regarding the plot or the genre of the story?

Now, to the main blurb. I noticed the name "Agesilaos". To someone who isn't familiar with that other name of Hades, it would look like another character, someone you haven't introduced so far. That's why I believe it would be nice to show that Hades and Agesilaos are the same people. I'll make minor changes:

"Centuries ago, minor Greek Gods and Goddesses disappeared due to another war between Kronos and Hades. To cover up the imbalance caused, the latter lost his Persephone. Hades, the mighty ❛Agesilaos❜ is again a shell of a God he once was. Unable to agree with his brothers and a certain God of Love, he listens to the pleading of one of his brothers. Starting a human University was never on his to-do list, and neither was a ❛Humanoid❜ with his sperm. But there, he discovers someone who he thought he lost eons ago and the journey of who Lord Hades begins.

In between the Technological drama and Olympus's over drama, Hades is set to find out the reality of his own existence."

Prologue

As I've told you in the past, your writing style is unique. The dialogues are too flowery for my liking, but I like that you stick to what you like the best.

There were a few issues regarding punctuation and grammar, but I'll explain later.

I noticed that you changed Persephone's story a little bit, especially the reasons why she has to stay six months with Hades and six months above the ground. I don't mind it, as long as it was intentional, because it looks like you've done some research on the gods.

I liked the gentle aspect of Hades' personality at the end of the prologue, though I was a little baffled when the two gods put their heads on Hades' lap.

The story looks interesting, and I like the different perspectives of it.

Plot and Flow

The story is unique, and I haven't read anything like that. You mixed science fiction with Greek mythology, and that's impressive.

The plot doesn't move very fast, so maybe you could combine a couple of chapters and add more conflicts. For example, I'd like to see how Hades was convinced to participate. Also, it would be nice to see more scenes of the four male protagonists because they aren't very active in the story, and it would be good to have round secondary characters.

I guess Nova is Persephone or a version of her. It'll be interesting to see how this folds out.

I liked the transition in chapter 2 to the flashback but I believe that you could have avoided the first two lines before the flashback. You could start from the moment Lucifer enters the room and then transition the scene to the next one, indicating the time change. If you keep it as a flashback, I suggest removing the italics because it's a little tiring to the eye.

In chapter 3, I noticed this paragraph: "Leonardo shivered...And Lucifer Acheron Aphelion. Hades." The first thing I saw is the repetition of "Leonardo": "Leonardo shivered-Leonardo stated." I like the body language, but the second part shouldn't be there. It doesn't explain or adds anything to the dialogue. Also, the rest of the paragraph is a waste of words. Readers have already seen who is who since they used their real names during the dialogue between them at the beginning of the same chapter.

Your writing style is unique and flowery, but descriptions shouldn't be more important than the plot. I suggest focusing more on the story, the obstacles the characters must overcome, and less on how they speak.

Characters

My favorite characters were Nova and Hades. I liked Nova's attitude and confidence. Lucifer is the best of the brothers but also the roundest character. It would be nice to have some flashbacks of Hades' life in the underworld to better explain his character. I didn't like how he treated Claire, and maybe his character is over-confident, maybe disliked by some of the readers. I believe you should show the softer side of him too.

SPaG

Use commas when addressing someone and before a dialogue tag. E.g. "Hello, Tom," he said.

Also, don't put dialogues from different people in the same paragraph.

When a speaker's words in dialogue extend to more than one paragraph, use an opening quotation mark at the beginning of each paragraph.

It's best to avoid using too many –ly adverbs. For example, in the prologue, in the first dialogue, you wrote: "She muttered brokenly. Her every word pierced his soul deeply." You could use other words to describe "brokenly". You could maybe show how her face looked or how her voice changed. And "deeply" could be omitted.

Don't forget to use the same tense. You mostly used past tense, but you added some present simple too.

A few sentences weren't clear. For example, in chapter 2, after the flashback: "You know you can call me Alex and my brother and friend Zach and Leo."

The first part of the sentence is clear. From the rest of it, I got that she can call his brother Zach and his friend Leo. But it's not correct the way you wrote it. Maybe you should separate the sentences. "You can call me, Alex. My brother is Zach, and my friend is Leo for you too." Or something like that. (it's only an alternative)

All in all, there aren't many mistakes, and most of them are easily fixed.

Overall impression

Your writing style is unique, and the idea is very original. However, it is a little strange using a robot and a god's sperm. The story is moving slowly, so it would be best to spice things up.

I wish you the best <3