Cassie's Reviews (CLOSED FOR CATCH UP)

9: Stranger (Short Stories) || Gaiatfox

Author: Gaiatfox

Book title: Stranger (Short Stories)

Title

The title is the same as the title of your first story, so you could use a more generic title. For example, I have a book with short stories, and I called it a crossroad of stories. It can be anything. You'll be able to omit the parenthesis, and the title would be more fitted to all of the stories.

Cover

The cover is nice, but I'd like you to make your name stand out more. The "short stories" should be slightly bigger, and the sticker attracts a lot of attention.

Blurb

I liked the first line because it shows what all the stories have in common.

I can't find anything wrong with the three smaller blurbs. The size is great, everything is clear yet interesting and well-written. Well done!

Stranger

The story's unique, with an interesting plot and an unexpected twist. However, I felt that something was missing. I couldn't connect with Val. I wasn't sure what her motive was and why she didn't want to go to the party. The ending was a little abrupt too, and I'd prefer it if there weren't empty lines before and after the count down. There were some technical issues too. For example, I didn't like the first line. I think you should show that she didn't want to go to the party either with a stronger sentence or by starting with the dialogue.

When Martha and Val look at that guy, he walks toward them, but there's no description. One second he's away, and suddenly, he talks to them. You could write something like '" Just be cool," Martha hissed as the stranger walked to them.' (or anything you want that'll make a smoother transition).

August's description was nice but a little strange. "Val saw the beer...to his face." This part was strange and didn't have a flow. You could try instead: "The first thing she noticed was the beer in his hand, but slowly, she noticed his face. It was round and he had a thick beard..."

As one of your readers mentioned, when Val talks about Lawrence you should italicize the "She" because that's the moment the reader gets that August lied and that Val knows it.

I liked August's personality, and the multiverse idea is very interesting. I'd like to see what happened after that night and how can both of them live on the same Earth/universe.

The singer in the supply closet

I loved this story! Your descriptions are great, I could feel the character's emotions, loneliness, and bad state. The title is also very creative. As I was reading I found myself picturing the story in my head; It could work as a short film. You've done a marvelous job!

Between hay and grass

Wow! Another story with a great twist. This story was the best for many reasons. There was a lot of showing, great vocabulary, and the scenes transitioned nicely. The main leads are mysterious characters, and the fight scene was intense and fast (as it should be). I'm not a western expert, but I got the vibe of the place. The picture at the top of the story helped too.

SPaG

I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes, and the punctuation was correct.

Overall impression

Each story was better than the previous ones. What I admired the most is the way you surprised me (and the other readers too) by using all those twists. I'd love to read more short stories written by you.