Song-shots (Welcome to the statehouse)

🌪This is the end?

TW:attempted suicide, self doubt, depressing shit

Tell me what you're thinking
So I don't have to pretend
'Cause your mind's million miles away

Even in the end, he would never know what they thought of him. Even though he continued to try to prove himself he could never seem to be enough.

I'm a song that goes on
Way beyond the ozone
You treat me like a stranger at the gates

So here he was at his supposed end, after all the religious trauma, the abuse, and the doubt he was finally done

Why you gotta make it so hard?

They said they loved him THEY SAID SO! Tears streamed down as he realized how much they lied to him

Why you gotta push me so far?

They pushed him saying they loved him and that God would lead him and always be with him, as long as he went against his own mind.

Just another weekend
Where we are barely speaking
Hoping that the silence keeps us safe

It was wrong to like a man it was wrong to not fit in your skin, god put him there for a reason, he has to accept that.

How did I get here?
Was it something I said?

He told them a million times, and they always took him back to church, saying he needs a readjustment and that once he realised that he would be good forever or at least until the end.

When you said forever
Is this what you meant?

Forever or the end? They both meant the same thing no matter how many times you change the wording, forever is just til the end and the end is the end.

Is it wrong that I miss you?
'Cause you never left

They said god never left him when he was in his right mind, and in his right mind, he was a man who was attracted to women, not the mindset he was born in.

But the burden feels heavy
And I'm just so stumped

Nobody cared about his pronouns as long as they were he/him and nobody said anything but that he was insane and straying from God when he said otherwise

Is this forever or is this the end?

"God if you're there, is this the forever I have to live with?" he cried standing at the bridge

It's better to be known here
Than to be alone here

He knew he was well known as the confused boy who never would know what he wanted.

Who will be the first to make a move?
You got me on the defence

He wanted to have a reason to go home or to go talk to someone and continue but he could never and from what seemed like it would never find a reason.

'Cause just beyond my pretense
I'm afraid I'm disappointing you

He tried to prove himself but he never could. They would always say he could be better, and not to disappoint God.

I've still got some hope in my heart
But I don't even know where to start

He cried asking, begging, for God to give him a purpose that they always said he would serve when he never got an answer he climbed over the rail.

How did I get here?
Was it something I said?

He wanted to yell or scream but he just sobbed into the seemingly vacant abyss that was his home town.

When you said forever
Is this what you meant?

The sun just barely makes daybreak meaning it wouldn't be long till one unfortunate soul finds him.

Is it wrong that I miss you?
'Cause you never left

He let out another pained cry, praying again for an answer to stay alive. Still receiving no answer.

But the burden feels heavy
And I'm just so stumped

He searched for an explanation for why they told him he would serve a purpose that he could never find.

Is this forever or is this the end?

They said he would be remembered for his purpose till the end of time, a purpose he could never fulfil.

It's never over (it's never over)

He could faintly hear his phone going crazy with notifications from the group chat.

It's never over (it's never over)

He sat the hat he always wore by his phone safely on the other side of the rail. If they wanted something to remember him by it would be that.

It's not too late to start it all again

Sure it was something small, but maybe it would be enough. Maybe he never had a purpose, to begin with.

It's never over (it's never over)

He was somewhat aware somebody may try coming to get him but he was sure they wouldn't get to him in time.

Let's start it over (let's start it over)

He watched the sun slowly rise and the morning mist appears, it was beautiful and reflected off his chestnut eyes.

It's not too late to start it all again

He turned his head to face his shoes, he had to be quick before it was too late, he knew he dug himself in way too deep.

How did I get here?
Was it something I said?

he knew that as soon as he sent the message, his goodbye, he knew someone may be looking for him but shook the thought away.

When you said forever
Is this what you meant?

He deemed the thought of somebody caring too far fetched, thinking nobody could.

Is it wrong that I miss you?
'Cause you never left

he thought, the first time he was told god loved him he believed it, but now it seems like the same lie to be forever told.

But the burden feels heavy
And I'm just so stumped

he carried the burden of being a failure to his family, the church, and his god.

How did I get here?
Was it something I said?

he asked the same question into the void. Hoping to get an answer, one he knew he would never receive.

When you said forever
Is this what you meant?

"When they said forever is this what they meant?" he cried one last time, he could hear faint yelling so, he jumped.

Is it wrong that I miss you?
'Cause you never left

He thought that would be the end of it, but of course, to his dismay, he felt a hand grab his arm and pull him back over the rail.

But the burden feels heavy
And I'm just so stumped (and I'm just so stumped)

he was astonished, to say the least. The person hugged him and he hugged back sobbing into their shoulder.

Is this forever or is this the end?

He recognised the person as Florida, only after hearing his voice. "What the fuck was that Texas?!"

~~~~~

A/N

Hey, y'all! Not too sure about this chapter... But feedback is always welcomed! Also, this was a request so if you didn't like this one then, please let me know and I will rewrite it.

Thank you @StrongBlueMonster777 for the request.