Guided by the Stars (GxG)

No.13

"It hurts," I confessed to the silent night, the wind not so subtly messing with my golden hair.

My heart was currently enslaved by three things; pentagon, planet earth, and a certain human. Kept in their suffocating hold it was a type of suffering that dig into your soul slowly and surely, taking everything else in the process—much rather experiencing physical pain.

"You were always like this," his voice has caused me to pull up from the ground, escalating heartbeat at the realization; he was here. "Be a soldier Elina, emotions, regret, everything else will lead into chaos."

His neatly modeled hair, thick dark brows, and dark irises burned into me. Why? 

"Why?!" I screamed, feeling the control I worked on keeping for all these years slipping away. "Why are you here, why are you always following me!" Words like razors cut through my throat when speaking his name, "Keith!"

His wide smile caused a wave of conflicted feelings within me. "Elina, you know why... Stop this. You are hurting yourself." His steps without hesitance approaching me, while I clumsily moved backward until met with a large tree preventing me from running from this nightmare.

"No," I choked in a whisper. "I don't know." I shook my head in denial. "I don't know anything!"

His hand inching closer until it rested against my clenched jaw. "Stop it," he repeated. "Be a soldier, don't think. Complete the mission and go back, you know how it ends when you go against them. You know how it ends when you don't listen."

"Are you really here...?"

Amusement sparkled in his dark eyes, he scanned my face and gave my cheek a few pats before moving away. "I always am." Before disappearing from my blurry sight, he added, "I will be watching you."

Sucking in the sharp evening air, unaware my body was in an urgent need of taking a breath. My consciousness felt submerged under the depth of cold water. Falling onto my knees, hitting my head with the palm of my hands begging for this feeling to pass.

"You aren't really here, you can't be." I kept on repeating like a spell that was supposed to make everything better. If Keith was here then it meant we never escaped. Pentagon was controlling us from the start, keeping an eye on our every move.

"Fuck..." I swore defeated, there was truly no way out.

I'm so scared.

"Elina, are you there?" Her melodic voice soothed my anxious heart. "I know you are... Please come down," her words were so gentle, always careful even when speaking to someone like me.

Gulping I got up from the dirty soil; a mess, that's what I was. Walking down the steep hill, the only place in the park where I knew she couldn't go by herself, there was hesitation before looking into her eyes that scanned my body.

"Elina..." I felt enchanted by this woman. She was motioning for me to come forth. I listened, dropping onto my knees right in front and resting the forehead against her laps. "Oh sweet girl, what happened to you?" her voice was filled with pain; she might have been sobbing.

"I'm a monster..." I whispered slightly surprised she picked that up.

Her gasp as she cupped my cheeks and made me look into her full of emotion eyes, hurting for me. "What are you saying," she seemed conflicted not understanding anything. "You are nothing but sweet, even if you don't know it or don't understand it. I see no monster," the urgency in her tone was what got me.

"You know nothing about me professor, if you have..." I had a hard time speaking with the lump growing at the back of my throat. "You wouldn't be so kind. You wouldn't wish to see me again."