Recaping The Days Before

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The first person that came up in the sky was Greyson Vires. The handsome, yet evil boy who killed my Ion. The brother. The boy who pierced her with his arrow. The boy who left her to die slowly. The boy who let her die in agony. The boy who wanted to kill her since we got here. She isn't even going to get a proper burial.

Then my girl came up next. Ion Epulo. The girl who was a fighter. The girl who was flirty. The girl who kept me sane during these Games. The girl who helped me live. The girl who would die for me. The girl who tried to save me at the last minute. Now she's gone. Dead. I won't see her ever again. But she's the girl who made me pursue vengeance. They're both gone. District 12 was shown after her, leaving me to add up that there's five left competing for the crown, myself included. 

I sat back the entire day. I stayed in the same position from the minute I got up in the early morning until mid evening before it got dark. I got up with aches surging through my entire body, looked for a safe place to hunt and walked. In circles? Maybe. I couldn't find anything all day. I couldn't sense any animals around anywhere. I don't know if I even heard or seen a bird. I gave up after twenty minutes and I went back to the same tree I was leaning against before I started. The tree is quite out in the open. I wouldn't consider this a good spot to hide, but at this point, if someone wants to end me, they have the upper hand without a doubt.

I open my bag. The same old shit sits on top of one another. Ion's little tub was just creme that serves no use to me. It smells quite sickly, reminds me of the herbal mix you can get in the markets, with a cure for every illness advertised. Clearly the herbal mix is nothing compared to the medicine of The Capitol. The thought of Ion having this makes me think of her presence even more than I'd like to admit. Her soul is everywhere, no matter where I go, she is with me here.

"Great," I say out loud to myself and zip the bag back up. I need to hunt some game or even some berries but I'm afraid I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow. I have no clue how to use the net that was laid out for Ion, and it's worse I can only hunt in daylight. Pretty soon all this will creep up on me. I can feel it. I can feel all the pressure already, all the eyes watching me. They know I'm scared. They know that I'm going to snap. Sure, I already have, haven't I? The weight of this on me feels like I'm going to implode. No doubt Caesar or Claudius will be commenting on the fact I'm going hungry.

I stand up and inhale. My belly rumbles and I know I'm going to have to sleep sooner or later to ignore the slight pain that makes every movement jarring. There's a sudden feeling of something coming, I know deep down it'll be the end soon. If we don't kill each other now they'll probably kill us all off in ways that I don't even want to imagine. But now that Ion's gone - maybe for the better - I want Lesa to win. Hopefully I die next so she comes out Victor.

As I think of it, where is Cleeara? She must be very badly injured to not attend The Feast. Vickin was destroyed going into that with us, he's lucky if he has an eye under that bandage. Why didn't he kill me? He could have easily killed me there and then but he didn't. He basically let me go to kill Greyson. Maybe putting on an act to comfort Greyson because he couldn't bring himself to kill him? Maybe he actually is afraid of me. Maybe he knows the crowd loves me more than him. Maybe he was just in shock of all this, knowing Cleeara might be dying at their camp. He is probably going to have to kill myself or Lesa because there's no way in hell District 12 will be still alive by tomorrow. 

I decide to walk through the thick forest under the blanket of the stars. I don't even know what ring I'm in because I did run a long way to get away from that mini-bloodbath, I don't know why I'm even moving but I know if I don't move I'm going to be targeted. I put one damaged foot in front of the other and begin walking deep into the cover of trees. The heat is bearable for this time. Maybe they're keeping the heat low because they know all of us are dying. I mean, three people died today. Is that not what they want? I killed Greyson today. The thought of him dying makes me audibly laugh. But once a second chuckle comes on, I stop.

"I killed Greyson..." I say to the air.

The same thoughts I had before all of this go through my head on repeat. I remember saying I'm going to try avoid the fights as much as possible, that I want to come out still normal. Still a child. But... But...

"You killed District 7, Coil, and now Greyson." I say out loud again with tears beginning to form.

District 7 didn't really deserve it. She was scared. Like all of us, even though, yeah, she was a bit of competition and she was deliberately trying to kill me, but she was still young, she was still a child. I didn't really have to kill her, but Greyson on the other hand definitely deserved it. He killed Ion. But Ion killed his sister. I guess any of us will go mad when the pain of this all gets to them. Coil deserved it also, he attacked me. I would have let him live and to die on his own if he didn't snap. Why did he snap? These thoughts are on a constant loop, disappearing in the background for an hour until they come back because my brain has nothing else to do.

I sit myself down again and try to go through the whole Games, just to know I'm not going insane, to plant myself, to give myself some footing. To those at home, I look definitely insane. I don't know if that's going to harm my betting score, or if it'll amp it up because it might bring drama to their T.V. screens. Everything about this scares me beyond belief.

"You got here, you killed District 7, you got dehydrated, you hunted, you killed Coil, you got the plan for The Careers, got the bears after them, Ion killed Scarlet..." I pause and take a deep breath and exhale slowly. "... Then you split up, found Ion dying because of Lesa, we found water, the gas knocked you out, you split up with your team. The feast, Ion's dead, and now this."

So many thoughts go through my head. I want to go home. Badly. But still, I do need Sponsors. I need to act like I can win in a heartbeat. "You'll be fine." I whisper to myself. "You'll be fine." I open my bag, take another swig of water and put it back in my bag. The air blows, my hair moves with it but I don't feel it. The heat is manageable, tomorrow I'm sure they'll rise it again just to maybe kill off those who are already dying of thirst. Maybe Cleeara or District 12. That leaves Lesa, Vickin and myself. The people I definitely wanted to be the final three.

At this moment, whatever time it is, it will be bright in some Districts. Some might be on their way to finish up their days work, others will be in bed way before then. Panem stretches miles and miles, we are taught. Despite the sea eating up some of it, we still stand strong. We stand united by a single event every year that makes us become one. Panem will be unbothered if I die, most Districts have all of their Tributes gone. Why would they care if another wins? It serves them no benefit.

At home, they're all probably pitching together every last penny to Sponsor myself or Lesa, that's if they already haven't done it. Lesa said when I was out cold that we got a few Sponsors, people must like us, or maybe just me. Lesa gave out an act from the beginning, Ion won them over in the interviews, and I've impressed them all since these Games started. If Lesa or I emerge as Victor, we will have a lot of questions to answer from the public.

I realise I have nothing to do, the hunger growing. I drop down to a nearby bush and decide to sleep. The ground is hard, but with no nettles or thorns around I think this is suitable. I'm afraid of climbing a tree in case I'm hunted from below. I think we're on day ten, I've lost count. I close my eyes and ignore the bugs crawling all over me. Hopefully, if I die tomorrow, I die quickly.

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